The Process

I am learning a lot as I go through the process of losing a child. The physical pain is a surprise to me. Each day, I lose a little bit more in a way that is very painful. This pain makes it a little harder to get through the range of emotions that I am experiencing.

My family and friends have been very supportive and encouraging. I know that in the end, it's up to me how I get through this. I have to choose to allow God to heal me. I am learning so much about life right now. I have already changed my perspective and my priorities. Before this, I was working so hard. Now it just doesn't seem to matter. Funny how life can change so fast.

A Drastic Change of Plans

I had planned to chronicle my third pregnancy on my blog. I was going to talk about the highs and lows and weird symptoms. However, yesterday that all changed.

I learned that I am miscarrying our third child as I speak. It came as a crushing blow that sent me into a tale spin of emotions. I saw the empty amniotic sac on a large wall television, and my heart broke. I never knew I could feel physical pain like that in my heart until then. So instead of chronicles of joy, I will talk about my process of grief and how God is bringing me through it. We were so excited, and this change of events is hard to accept. Everyone says it's God's will. Admittedly, I am having a hard time coping with that right now with my empty womb.

If you know someone whose recently had a miscarriage, don't ask her if she's okay. She's not. I'm not, but I will be. God promised not to leave or forsake me, and I plan to hold Him to it.

Good TV

One of my favorite television shows is The Biggest Loser. Because of it, Tuesday nights are something I look forward to. If you've never had the pleasure of seeing it, you're missing out.

The show is about people struggling to lose weight in order to enhance and even save their lives. They have already tried everything else, and this is the last resort. Most are at least 100 pounds too heavy.

What I like is their spirit. I like watching the improvements they make each week, and how hard they work to do so. I always cheer for them and find myself sucked into their struggle. It makes me want to work harder toward my goals and not give up when things are difficult.

I find that perseverance is necessary in every aspect of life. If you are having a hard time motivating yourself these days, tune in sometime and see if you don't feel encouraged afterward.

An apology

I apologize for being remiss in posting. This past week has been insane at work and in life. Stay posted for more details on what else is going on....

Let's Talk About Sex

I have a question for each of you. Why have sex? Do you do it out of obligation? As a part of your "wifely duty"? Do you perform because you know it's expected? Do you have an off-the-charts libido and just can't do without it? When you do fool around, what does it do for you? Besides for the obvious physical release you may experience, what else is there?

I tend to have this idealized point of view. Not only do I expect to see the moon and stars, but I also expect to gain a spiritual connection unparalleled by anything else on earth. It's not just about the end result for me, although it is a bonus. I like to feel special. Esteemed, valued and cherished.

There are often discrepancies between men and women's sex drives and needs. These often cause problems is relationships. Where do you find common ground? I'm not sure I know the answer. Media works against us. The way it looks on television and real life are very different. At times I wish I had the ability to turn it on at the drop of a hat.

Now don't get me wrong, there are times when there is nothing else I'd rather do, but at times it's the furthest thing from my mind. Is it okay to fake, or is this dishonest? I'd like to hear from you on this. A little girl talk.

My new best friend

My new friend Ruby helps keep me organized. She helps me keep track of appointments and kids' schedules. She provides entertainment for hours. She has even helped me to make time for communicating with loved ones who are in other locations! She takes amazing pictures. If I get lost, she's very good with directions. She's even helped me to spice up my love life and get closer to God. She sounds perfect, right?


Well, you too can have a friend like Ruby. Ruby is my new phone. A Blackberry Pearl smartphone to be exact. Recently my old phone was damaged and I had to replace it. I left it up to hubby to do so. He decided it was time for me to step into the technology age. I disagreed. But now I'm in love. This phone truly is like my right arm. It does more things than I can imagine. It does everything I listed and more. It fits in the palm of your hand and provides so much at your fingertips. If you're in the market for something to help you stay connected on the go, I highly recommend Ruby. Of course, that name is already taken. Sorry. :(

Choosing not to participate...

This morning I heard a man speak that I had never heard before. He was talking about faith. He spoke mostly from the book of Hebrews. It was just what the doctor ordered.

He began by talking about the economy and the financial implications for the individual. How does Walstreet affect you? Are you in danger of losing your house or your retirement? If so, how do you respond?

This man said that analysts are saying we are in a depression, the final steps before an all out recession. Everyone is feeling the crunch of prices at the pump and rising taxes. Perhaps there is always too much month at the end of your check. Maybe you laugh any time someone mentions the word savings because you have none.

So what was this man's answer to the depression. He said, "I have a choice, and I choose not to participate." Wow. That hit me.

Lately I have been as negative as the next person about our economy. I have put faith on the back burner and forgotten that God promised to supply all of my needs according to His riches. What a promise to forget. Well, I am telling myself to remember. God is bigger than my circumstances and yours too. When we lose sight of this, we begin to wallow in self-pity and focus only on our problems. I am so guilty that I am ashamed.

So, you too have a choice. Choose not to participate and believe that God is bigger than the economy. He is big enough to take care of each one of us. When we are tempted to forget, let us encourage each other. I know I need it.

Happy Weekend

I hope your weekend seems to last forever. May you enjoy each moment to the fullest. Enjoy the weather and your loved ones. Make it count. Thanks for reading.