Quickening

If you've ever been pregnant, you know it can be overwhelming at times. In the beginning, you don't have much assurance that things are going ok. It's too early to feel movement, so you just have faith. Recently, when I was feeling a little unsure, I felt a little wiggle in my abdomen. Quickening. Baby's way of saying, "Don't worry mommy, I'm good." I needed it.

I think God does the same thing for me. At times, my spirit feels empty, and a scripture will pop into my head. My favorite song on the radio. A reminder that all is well. Assurance that He is in control. God's way of saying, "Don't worry, daughter, I'm good." Mommies need reassurance, too. "Taste and see that the Lord is good..." (Ps. 34:8)

Driving Scared

A few short days ago, I was driving into work. Everything was business as usual. I was talking to my mom on my Bluetooth headset, and navigating the highway. Then something happened... Suddenly I saw breaklights in my lane, and I realized the lane had come to a screeching halt. I knew there was no way I could miss the car in front, so I hit the breaks and decided to swerve into the median. As I did, 2 other cars starting coming over simultaneously. As I struggled to control my car and avoid the other drivers, I narrowly missed slamming into the wall. In fact, according to the officer, my left side went up onto it.

The fear I felt was immediate. I thought I was dead. I thought of my unborn baby. Once my heart rhythm slowed down, I offered thanks to God for saving our lives.

As the day went on, I began to access the damage. Not to my car, because I didn't care. My mind. I instantly thought of the time I've been wasting on meaningless things. I realized my mortality and the indefinite time I'm promised on this earth. That could have been my last day. Since God kept me, I take that to mean He is mercifully giving me more time to complete the tasks He's given me. Perhaps this was a wake-up call. I am committed to making every day count and to enjoying even the simplest things. I also know that my daughter's prayer for my safety was heard that day and so many more. Thank you, Lord.

Inseparable

While doing my current events check on the net, I tripped over this story about enduring love. This Kansas couple was married 67 years and died within hours of one another! My heart was feeling all oooey and gooey. I've always said that I would like for me and my hubby to die like the couple in the Notebook, lying together within seconds of the other, so neither of us has to endure life without the other. Something that struck me about the article was the couple's commitment to their church. That's so important. It's so good to see a marriage that ends as a result of natural causes and not death from a destructive divorce.

Never Give Up

Rita Levi Montalcini, an Italian born scientist, celebrates her 100th birthday today. She says her mind is sharper now than it was when she was 20! The Yahoo article highlights her accomplishments including a Nobel Prize for medicine.

"Above all, don't fear difficult moments," she said. "The best comes from them." She talks of being forced to stop studying at the university because of sanctions created by dictator Benito Mussolini in the 1930s. The article describes her perseverance to research in a makeshift lab in her bedroom!

She's an inspiration. In spite of difficult odds and in spite of the limitations placed upon her due to gender and ethnic background, she is still going strong. With her snow-white crown of hair, she still addresses audiences. How incredible. If she can follow her dreams in the face of these circumstances, we have few excuses not to pursue the course God has laid before us.

Photo courtesy of jollyroger

Somewhat Disappointed (Possible Spoiler)

My husband and I have been anticipating our viewing of the movie Fireproof for quite a long time. After seeing all of the viewings at churches and the glowing reviews, we were prepared for cinematic magic. Unfortunately, I was disappointed. Now, before attacking me, please hear me out.

The storyline was pretty predictable, but I'm okay with that. I thought they did a fantastic job of shedding light on some of the problems in the couple's marriage. I enjoyed the banter and appreciated the racial diversity in the film.

Here's what I did not like. The husband had a porn addiction, while his wife participated in an emotional affair with a doctor she worked with. She is seen laughing and holding the hand of the doctor. She is spending too much time with him and seeking him out in the hospital. She doesn't even realize that he is also married! She never finds out.

The husband, at the behest of his father, takes a dare to try and save his marriage. He is repeatedly rebuffed by his wife throughout the process. It is quite realistic. While the husband ends up requesting forgiveness for his maltreatment of her over the years, she never does. That's my problem.

Bad marriages are rarely the fault of only one party. Although much of the spotlight was placed on his addiction and selfishness, there was also evidence of her indiscretions. Why then, did she not confess her emotional affair and repent to her husband? It could have happened simultaneously, but the writer chose to omit this. I actually think this was a huge mistake.

While the message of love was strong, I believe the message of forgiveness should be stronger. To me, the biggest message of God's love for us is His forgiveness. While forgiveness can be granted even if not requested, asking shows humility, and I believe it shows acknowledgment of a wrong. 1 John 1:9 speaks of first confessing our sins, then receiving forgiveness from God. Does it not apply to our spouse?

I don't want to knock the movie, because it had many wonderful components. It is definitely worth watching. I'm just drawing attention to a theme I thoughts should have been explored a little more deeply. As I've been married for quite a while, I realize the importance of forgiveness in my marriage. I understand the necessity of asking and granting forgiveness. I did read other reviews by Christians, and mine is not the only unfavorable one. If you've seen it, please let me know if think my reaction is over the top. Be honest.

The Best of Times

Recently a friend of mine posted a photo on Facebook and tagged me in it. This picture took me back almost 13 years ago to a time when the economy was good, and my life was pretty carefree. The image brought with it a rush of memories.

I enjoyed reading what everyone else wrote about the picture. The picture was taken on a camping trip that we took after graduation. It was filled with adventure and so much laughter. We got lost in the woods even though boy scouts were with us. We enjoyed food cooked over a campfire and the beautiful scenery of the water falls. I'm so thankful our parents trusted us enough to let us go.

It was one of the happiest memories of growing up. The beauty is that I has so many good friends that the great memories abound. I had the time of my life in junior high and high school. My friends were good people, and we did not get into trouble together. We had good clean legal fun. Movies and lots of eating. Some times just hanging out at one another's house or the Dairy Queen. I thank God for friends and for Facebook and amazing memories.

Distracted

Lately I've been so preoccupied. I've had so many random thoughts. My dreams have run amok. I don't know what God has next for us. My heart is to minister to women and girls. Besides for daily interactions, I just don't know where to begin. After praying and seeking God, I feel that I'm no closer to an answer.

At work, I've been mostly existing. I know it's not my calling, but it is a necessity right now. In this economy, a job is a blessing. Right now I am seeking God for renewed focus. Peace in the midst of uncertainty. Gratitude no matter what comes our way. Faith in the One who loves and cares for me unconditionally.

A Baby Story

Most girls have probably seen this show on TLC at one time or another. With the day off today, I have spent some time watching it. I was hooked when I was pregnant with our daughter. I haven't watched much over the years. After experiencing the pain for myself, watching on TV has lost some of it's luster. So why now? Well, in about 6 months, I expect to be a mother again! I'm so excited. We all are. But I would be lying if I said I haven't already experienced intense anxiety.

After losing our baby last fall, I became consumed with conceiving again. I had to pray for control, because each month, I would cry when I wasn't pregnant. I've never experienced anything like this before. I knew that I simply wanted to squelch the loss I was feeling inside. My husband helped me calm down and let God have his way.

In February, the test was positive! I was so thrilled. Then I was gripped by terror. What if I lose this one too? What if something is wrong with my baby? What were we thinking? I knew these thoughts were not from God, but they were real. I had to speak to myself and pray a lot. So when I was at work just 10 days later and felt weird, my emotions went into a tale spin. My abdomen was tight, and I was spotting. My left side was going numb, and I was urinating uncontrollably. As the discharge changed from pink to brown to red, I began to prepare myself for another loss. I held back the tears until I got home. When I let loose, I tried to keep it from Tre. I finally told him what was happening and how I felt.

Our daughter had a Mother/Daughter Tea that we were supposed to attend that night. I had so looked forward to it, but when the time came, I was feeling miserable physically and emotionally. Although we went, I had to tell this sweet girl that I just wasn't feeling well. She said, "I hope you have fun, Mommy." I love her so.

When we returned, the discomfort still had not subsided. It was worse. I called the office again. I was told to drink water and try to rest. It was hard to rest. I was scheduled for an appointment the next morning. The drive to the hospital was somber. Tre stared straight ahead. I tried to think happy thoughts. I gave a urine specimen and we went in for an ultrasound. It was normal! Tears filled my eyes as we squeezed each other's hands. So what was wrong with me? A severe urinary tract infection and dehydration. The combination made my uterus and bladder contract together. It mimicked the feeling and symptoms of a miscarriage. I could do nothing but praise God for answering my prayer my way this time. While I had tried to prepare for the worst, I really wasn't ready.

So since then, I've had blood work and ultrasounds. I've seen and heard the heartbeat. It has been quite a ride so far. God is using this pregnancy to strengthen my faith. I'm struggling with worry. Will the baby survive to term and will he or she be alright? I've had labor concerns, and I've done this twice before! Since I've just started my second trimester, I'm feeling some relief. My baby bump is blooming, and I feel good. The irony is that my due date coincides with the loss of our 3rd child. God will turn that time of mourning into one of joy. It is a sign of my faith to share this with you. It forces me to let go of my fears and trust God no matter what.

Happy Easter

I hope you've all had a wonderful Resurrection Day. We've enjoyed time with family and been truly renewed. I am so thankful and filled with joy. I will be back soon.

Treasure

I received this from my girl Karen, and I wanted to share it with you. My prayer is that it will speak to your heart.

Do you know that our Father in heaven calls you a "treasure", beautiful daughter of God? Do you know that our Daddy adores you more than the words could possible say? Do you know your value? Do you know really, truly who you are? You are a treasure, daughter of God. You are the rarest kind, and of the greatest value. God calls you not even a gift, but a treasure, because He knows your worth. He loves you so, for you are His treasure. I want to encourage you that if you seem to be in a place of hiddeness, rejoice! For your heart is being hidden in His heart and in that place, as lonely as it can be sometimes, it is one of the most beautiful places to be.

Do not seek to be seen, for in doing so you present your self a gift, when you were created to be found, daughter of God. In this place of hiddeness let your heart become fully His. Make it your ambition to fully "know" the heart of God, and His love will satisfy every ache, every feeling of loneliness and more, for His love satisfies. And I promise you that the day will come when God will present you not as a gift, but unveil you as a treasure to the man who was willing to seek out His heart, and doing so, he will find you. God has the best picked out for you. Do not even settle for the good that may come your way, for although it is good, it is not His best, and it is God's best that is worth waiting for. Although the wait may seem to be long, rest, daughter of God, rest in your Daddy's heart and have peace knowing that your day will come. Yes, rest, beautiful treasure, and you shall be found. Again I remind you, do not seek to be seen, for in doing so you present yourself a gift, when you were created to be found. Do not present your heart to one who is not willing to seek you out, for he does not know your true value and will not love you as the treasure that you are. You are of more value than even a gift, you are God's daughter, a treasure of the greatest value. Ask God to give you the revelation of who you truly are, and do not settle, oh do not settle for even the good, but wait, yes wait for His best.

And know this, daughter of God: You are worth seeking! You are worth finding!
You are worth loving! You were bought at a price to become a daughter of God!
Do not give yourself away to one who does not know your true value! You are a
treasure to be found, so rest, daughter, rest. And as you remain hidden in the heart
of God, I promise you, your dreams will soon come true. I believe this, for the heart of
our Father in heaven is good and He delights in blessing His children. Rest, beloved
daughter, rest in your Daddy's heart and know this: you will always be His treasure.

AMEN.

Help, I'm in Love With a Vampire!

I'm sure many of you have heard of Twilight, the movie and books. Apparently it's a phenomenon that I have missed. Since I know little about this, I Googled it and read a synopsis for the movie. It's about a girl who falls in love with a vampire who doesn't feed on humans, but I think he's missing his favorite treat a bit. Anyway, it has many girls and women going wild.

My husband was sharing a a story he read about a middle-aged, married mother who is obsessed with this Edward character. She hears the theme music in her head, she's seen the movie multiple times. She lusts after this young man, and compares him to her husband. She is questioning their marriage and his affection for her.

Without trying to sound self-righteous, I find this scary. When fantasy overtakes reality and has a woman questioning her real-life husband, there's a real problem. I will venture and say, I think this fixation on something so dark is dangerous. I honestly feel that this fictional series is being used by the father of lies to distort the minds and hearts of girls and women about true love.

I'm truly at a loss. There is so much emptiness in our world. Hearts are searching for love and acceptance in any way. Even fantasy. I'm sad. Why do we choose counterfeit love over the real, true love that only comes from God. The unconditional, free gift. He stands and begs to love us, and we turn Him away. Jesus died for each of us. Unconditionally. He did not know me, and I did not love Him, but He did it anyway. That's real love. We need only to accept it. No strings.

Triumphal Entry

It hasn't been long since we returned from service. While it wasn't a traditional Palm Sunday service, my thoughts are focused there today. Easter season has been my favorite time of year for as long as I can remember.

Palm Sunday reminds us of our humble King riding into Jerusalem on a lowly, borrowed animal. It is a celebration of the welcome he received from His followers as they laid out palm fronds and garments to line His path. It is a reminder of the events in this last week of His life on this Earth as He prepared to lay down His life for someone as unworthy as me.

As I reflect on this Holy point in history, I am praying that God will allow me to focus on these sacred events all year around. I am so thankful for Jesus. For more on the Triumphal Entry, click here, or read the 21st Chapter of Matthew. There are accounts in the other Gospels also. May God grant all of you a peaceful week filled with many reflections on our Savior.

Pic from cobalt

Smoker Envy

I've always marveled at the dedication of a smoker. Rain, shine, sleet or hail... At a place I used to work, non-smokers protested the cloud of smoke at employee entrances, so smokers were relegated to a tent closer to the back of the parking lot. When I would drive in, I'd see the plume permeating the air.

So now, I still work with smokers. When it's raining, they still go out. When it's cold, they're troopers. In spite of the fact that I work in health care, smokers abound. So, of course I started thinking... Dangerous.

Smokers made me think of worship. They are loyal. Unashamed. Committed. No matter how they feel, the cigarette is not neglected. Regardless of weather conditions, the contract remains unchanged. The addiction reigns supreme.

While, I empathize with those who are addicted and wish to quit, I confess that I want to be more like that. I'm speaking of worship, by the way. I want to worship God totally unashamed, regardless of another's thoughts on it. I want my addiction to Jesus to reign so that His Spirit proceeds from my mouth for the world to see. I want to breathe Him in and speak His love to all who will hear. I want to be undaunted by weather or agendas. If the itch hits me, I want to respond immediately. I want His sweet fragrance exuded from me. I need to like a smoker.

Photo by Felixe

The Bra That Brightened My Day

I know loving a bra seems impossible, but I was actually inspired by an advertisement for a bra! While perusing an Avon brochure that randomly appeared in our mailbox, I found myself in the clothing section. As I got to the lingerie, these words popped out at me: Complete Modesty. I was shocked for some reason.

I was so convinced the word modesty was banished from modern society. The description was of discreet patches within each cup. They are designed to keep your look "smooth", if you get my drift. So, I thought about it for a little longer than I should have. This bra is specifically designed to promote modesty!

I won't beat this horse too much, but I will just say that it is very refreshing to see a popular sales mag promote the large art of modesty. I guess I find encouragement in small things.

Pic from Maidenform even though the bra I mention is Bali