A Baby Story

Most girls have probably seen this show on TLC at one time or another. With the day off today, I have spent some time watching it. I was hooked when I was pregnant with our daughter. I haven't watched much over the years. After experiencing the pain for myself, watching on TV has lost some of it's luster. So why now? Well, in about 6 months, I expect to be a mother again! I'm so excited. We all are. But I would be lying if I said I haven't already experienced intense anxiety.

After losing our baby last fall, I became consumed with conceiving again. I had to pray for control, because each month, I would cry when I wasn't pregnant. I've never experienced anything like this before. I knew that I simply wanted to squelch the loss I was feeling inside. My husband helped me calm down and let God have his way.

In February, the test was positive! I was so thrilled. Then I was gripped by terror. What if I lose this one too? What if something is wrong with my baby? What were we thinking? I knew these thoughts were not from God, but they were real. I had to speak to myself and pray a lot. So when I was at work just 10 days later and felt weird, my emotions went into a tale spin. My abdomen was tight, and I was spotting. My left side was going numb, and I was urinating uncontrollably. As the discharge changed from pink to brown to red, I began to prepare myself for another loss. I held back the tears until I got home. When I let loose, I tried to keep it from Tre. I finally told him what was happening and how I felt.

Our daughter had a Mother/Daughter Tea that we were supposed to attend that night. I had so looked forward to it, but when the time came, I was feeling miserable physically and emotionally. Although we went, I had to tell this sweet girl that I just wasn't feeling well. She said, "I hope you have fun, Mommy." I love her so.

When we returned, the discomfort still had not subsided. It was worse. I called the office again. I was told to drink water and try to rest. It was hard to rest. I was scheduled for an appointment the next morning. The drive to the hospital was somber. Tre stared straight ahead. I tried to think happy thoughts. I gave a urine specimen and we went in for an ultrasound. It was normal! Tears filled my eyes as we squeezed each other's hands. So what was wrong with me? A severe urinary tract infection and dehydration. The combination made my uterus and bladder contract together. It mimicked the feeling and symptoms of a miscarriage. I could do nothing but praise God for answering my prayer my way this time. While I had tried to prepare for the worst, I really wasn't ready.

So since then, I've had blood work and ultrasounds. I've seen and heard the heartbeat. It has been quite a ride so far. God is using this pregnancy to strengthen my faith. I'm struggling with worry. Will the baby survive to term and will he or she be alright? I've had labor concerns, and I've done this twice before! Since I've just started my second trimester, I'm feeling some relief. My baby bump is blooming, and I feel good. The irony is that my due date coincides with the loss of our 3rd child. God will turn that time of mourning into one of joy. It is a sign of my faith to share this with you. It forces me to let go of my fears and trust God no matter what.