On the Mend

I felt sad when I looked at how long it's been since I posted anything.  Not only have I missed it (and you), but it reminds me of how challenging the interim has been.

I've been sick.  About 3 years ago, I started getting ill without an understandable reason.  After many months and tests, the problem was linked to my thyroid malfunctioning.

After getting increasingly more tired and weaker, my thyroid increased in size so much that it started to impede swallowing and breathing.  I had surgery and had it removed last spring.

Since then, I've been poked like a pin cushion in an effort to regulate my body sans thyroid.  This has been very difficult as I've had trouble sleeping and been exhausted more often than not.

I am very thankful that it seems we're finally in the ballpark of having it in the range of normal.  God is faithful!

I am slowly starting to feel more energized, and I hope to start writing more regularly again.

So what have I missed?  What challenges have you been facing recently, and how has God shown His faithfulness to you?

Sunshine and Rain

     As a transplanted Ohioan living in the South, I am well accustomed with myriad weather fluctuations.  From October until April, Ohio is blanketed with cloud cover more often than not.   I can remember those clouds invading the happy moments of my life as Fall approached and the long, sunny days of summer began to fade.  As the sunshine dwindled, so did my happy moods.

After studying biological rhythms in graduate school, I now realize that the fluctuation in my moods had a direct link to the extended lack of sunlight shining through the windows.  Without getting scientific on you, sunshine triggers happy things in our brain.  So why am I telling you this?  

Our part of the world has been gray and gloomy for days now.  We went for almost a week without sun, shrouded in a cover of rain and sleet.  My mood hit the skids pretty fast.  It's been years since I felt like this, and I was determined not to get sucked in.

This little initiative required much more work than I thought it would...

I gave myself pep talks daily, and asked God to help me not to allow my mood to reflect the weather patterns.  He prompted me to focus on the things that I could be thankful for.  That helped.  

Another truth I focused on was our need for rain.  Beats a drought, right?

But perhaps the biggest thing I realized was how happy I was when the sun peaked out from the clouds today.  The joy I felt went far beyond what it has in the past.  Of its own volition, a smile spread across my face.

In previous years, the sun was out so much that I had begun to take it for granted.  Isn't this so like us?  In good times, we grow complacent and often feel entitled.  But when the clouds of life encroach on our comfort and threaten to disrupt our well-laid plans, we balk.

So what's the moral of the story? Clouds help us to better bask in the the sun.  Troubles help us appreciate blessings.

What do you think?  How do you deal with clouds?

Rich and Satisfied

http://www.flickr.com/photos/usnationalarchives/4309806528/sizes/z/in/photostream/

Today is a new day.  A new year.  Since God allowed me to see it, I realize that He still has work for me to do on this Earth.  I don't take it lightly.

I'm not afraid, but I sometimes feel inadequate and unworthy of the task.  Who am I?  I am a broken vessel. I am filled up with love for others but often too afraid to let them get close to me for fear of the pain they cause when I open up my heart and let them in.

The last year was filled with challenges.  Some were welcomed, but truly most of them weren't.

In this fresh year, I want to LIVE and BE, not just DO.  I have been on auto-pilot as life has been flying by.  I am starting to realize that there will always be clothes and dishes to wash.  Something will always require my attention, but I have a right to ENJOY each day.  That will not happen without deliberate efforts on my part.

So what are my plans for this year?  First, I plan to write more.  Second, I plan to have way more fun.  Third, I plan to fully embrace ALL of the things God wants me to do and take leaps of faith every chance I get.  I know there is more to life than this insane rat race.

He came to give me life, abundant life (John 10:10 NLT).  I am ready to live a rich and satisfying life, with joy overflowing from every part of me.

The cool thing is that I have control over this.  For all of us who love control, this is good news!  I can control my attitude and reign in my thoughts.  This will go a long way toward overflowing joy.  I can't always control my circumstances, and I definitely can't control others, but I can work on controlling me.

Will you join me?  How will you live a more richly satisfying life this year?  Share with me.

His Goodness, not Mine

Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life.  And I will live in the house of the Lord forever.  Amen.

While this is a mishmash of several different versions of Psalm 23:6, it's how it flowed out of my heart tonight.  I hope you're okay with that.

This is the verse that entered my mind when I was pondering the fruit of the spirit of goodness.

Since I am not good, I thought of God's goodness.  We are not born good, nor do we become good.  But in God's goodness, He has volunteered to share some of it with us.  He shines through us.  We are not good in anyway without Him.  So any "good" people see in me is His light shining through.  I can't take a bit of credit.

I'm just grateful that He's so good to me, even though I don't deserve it.

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Humbled Beyond Words

I am writing this with tears in my eyes.  My heart is full to overflowing.  I am so humbled that I cannot find the words to express it.  I have just spent the last hour discussing brokenness with some encouraging women.  This was the first actual meeting for the Virtual Bible Study.

I admitted before that starting this study was a big leap of faith for me, totally outside of my usual comfort zone.  But after this meeting, I am already looking forward to the next one.  I feel so blessed by each of them and their unique insights.

I am humbled that God placed me there with them tonight.  I pray for each of them.  I pray that they feel even half as blessed as I do right now, because I feel like I could float away.  I am so glad God gave me the strength to trust Him enough to simply obey.  I am anticipating all that He has planned for us.

He promised He would be with us when two or more are gathered (Matt. 18:20), and He definitely kept His promise.  I am so grateful I was there.

Looking Up

Throughout the last week or two, I've been studying the life of Job.  I expected to be a bit depressed by studying the life of a man who lost everything.  Remarkably, it's been one of the most uplifting times of the last two years.  God is funny that way.  I realized that the moaning and crying I've been doing through these rough patches is probably pretty normal.

I realize that maybe it's okay to ask God why sometimes.  I also realized that there is light at the end of this tunnel and that all suffering has a purpose.  God is shaping and molding me into the woman He wants me to be and preparing me for the next chapter.  Timidly (at times) I'm following Him and stepping out of my comfortable place into the unknown.  But, as Britt Nicole says, what do I have to lose?

At times it has hurt more than I thought I could handle.  I've cried out to Him.  I've yelled at Him.  I've ignored Him.  I've run back to Him.  And guess what?  Through it all, He's put up with me.  He's still there.  He can handle my temper tantrums, and He can handle yours too.  What is God teaching you in your current trial?

Peace in a Storm

As we move from the Thanksgiving holiday into the Christmas season, I am putting things into perspective.  This has been a very financially hard year for my family.  I know we are not alone in this fact, and many of you can probably relate.  The interesting thing is that God has used this time period to increase my faith in Him.  He has miraculously provided for us in ways that we could not understand or foresee.  Our own thinking would have dictated a different path for us, but God has our steps marked out.

I don't know what's next for us.  I am weeks from graduating and no closer to finding a new job.  I just keep hearing God tell me to trust Him and walk forward without looking away from Him.  He promised to meet all of my needs, and I am resting in that today.  I am working not to dwell on my circumstances no matter how tempting it is to do so.  God has never left me alone.  When I feel far away from Him, I realize that I am the one who moved away.

As we prepare for Santa's visit, I am wondering how we will put presents under the tree.  I know that God will meet our needs and some of our wants too.  I am carrying the spirit of Thanksgiving into the Christmas holiday. I am not stressing over cyber Monday or all of the alleged sales that are taking place right now.  I am enjoying the peace that comes from knowing God is holding me and teaching me right now where I am.

Restored

Three years ago, last month, we lost our baby to miscarriage. I was surprised that I didn't mark the date or post anything on the 24th. When it first happened, I thought the date would forever be burned in my brain. I thought the pain in my heart would not cease and that I would never truly be happy again. I was certain the whole in my heart would never be mended. I did not understand His ways. But God is a God of restoration.

Instead of marking the month on October with immeasurable sadness, I spent it celebrating the birthday of the most precious two-year old in the world. Forgive me, I'm biased. She is such a happy baby. What I realize is that I would not have her had the other baby lived. God has a way of reminding me of His love when I need it the most. He brings joy where tears once lived. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. It's morning, y'all.

Help

Our youngest child is a fireball. She's almost two, and she has no fear. This is both funny and frightening. Her latest adventure lead her to climb into her pack and play unaided. Getting in was not problem. Getting out, however, was another story. I watched closely as she dangled precariously on the edge. She did not hesitate to say, "Mommy, help."

She pointed me to the invisible God with that single request. There was no doubt in her voice. She had complete faith that I would help her out of the jam she got herself into. I've found myself in need of a lot of help lately. Life has thrown me some mighty curve balls this past year, and I have found myself feeling discouraged and overwhelmed at times. I am thankful that my small child reminded me that I need only to ask for help, and God will answer.

Psalm 121

A song of ascents.

¹ I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
² My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

³ He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
⁴ indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵ The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
⁶ the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

⁷ The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
⁸ the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore. (NIV: Biblegateway.com)

Miniature God

I'm sure most of you know what a Polly Pocket Doll is. She's super tiny, and as her name implies, she can fit into your pocket. Perhaps some of you preferred Micro Machines when you were growing up. They were a more macho version of Polly. Both were portable toys that you could fit in the smallest of places. They were also easily misplaced.

So I started thinking: how often do I reduce God to this size? How often do I limit His ability to handle my life by underestimating His greatness and His power? Sometimes I think God, the same one that made the whole world in less than a week, cannot make sure we have enough money to cover our mortgage or cure my child's cold. Well, it sounds ludicrous when I say it that way.

And it is, ludicrous. Ephesians 3:20 tells me that He can do exceedingly, abundantly more than anything I can even think or ask through His power within me! Wow! That's huge because I've been thinking and asking for a whole bunch lately, and it's good to know I've been going to the right place with my outrageous requests. No one else can take care of me like He can, and I feel silly for forgetting that when life gets hard.

So I'm upsizing God in my mind today. I am taking Him out of my pocket and placing Him back where He should be. He is too great and too powerful to be reduced by my small thinking and lack of faith. If you don't think He's up for the challenge, bring it on. I'm sure He'll deliver. After all, He delivered me. There's plenty to go around.

God, please forgive me for doubting You and what you've already done for me. I've seen miracles in my life, and I know you have more good things for me. Thank you for your love and for holding me up with your capable hands. There is no one like you. Thank you for accepting me in my brokenness and turning me into something beautiful. Help me not to doubt You. Amen.

Image 1 from Mattel.com

Image 2 from thethrottle.thechive.com

God is a Funny Guy

WARNING: This post probably isn't for pious people who have never felt distant from God. Leave all judgment at the door.

My life has been filled with stresses lately. The walls have felt like they've been trying to close in around me. I've had a block between me and God, too. I've allowed life to get in the way of time that I spend with Him alone. I've been too tired and too lazy to fix it even though it has caused me innumerable problems. I can always justify the distance by saying I'm too tired to get up since I don't get to sleep through the night any more. But God is a funny guy. He's not interested in my excuses. He misses me, and He's set out to prove it to me.

For the past several days I have been waking up before my alarm and even when I have nowhere to go! It's been annoying. I've tried without success to just go back to sleep. So last night, before going to sleep, I prayed that God would allow me to get much needed sleep and that I would not wake up before the alarm again. While God heard my prayer, He did not obey. He's funny like that. Once again I tried to fall back to sleep with no luck. But this morning was different. I decided to pray that He would reveal to me why He kept waking me up against my will. This was apparently the prayer I should have prayed when this first started happening.

This morning, unlike recent mornings, began with a prayer for guidance. It continued with me taking a long-awaited spiritual journey through my YouVersion Bible while I allowed the Holy Spirit to be my tour guide. Amazing things are happening even as I write this. I'm glad that I put stubbornness on hold long enough to receive these blessings. My head feels clearer and my path straighter. It's funny how that happened only when I quit being disobedient to God and His attempts to get my attention. I'm just glad He loves me enough to not give up just because I'm being an idiot! ;)

The Miracles in My Day

Because of "corporate downsizing", I've been thrust into an environment of sadness and despair. Many people are walking around like the world is ending very soon. Like death is eminent. The days have grown long. At times I have difficulty wanting to walk into the building. So I've begun to talk to God and myself a lot more.

What are the miracles in my day? The mere fact that I have a day is a miracle that isn't promised to all people. The fact that I wake up each morning unaided by an alarm. The fact that once I'm awake, I can open up my eyes and see the sunlight peaking through my window. I can hear the weather man as he tells me to grab a jacket on my way out. I can climb out of bed without a cane or wheelchair. The bed I sleep in is indoors. It is inside of the 4 walls of a house that is ours, well, technically we borrow it from the bank.

When I walk into the bathroom, like magic, the lights come on. In the shower, warm water cascades. When I wake up my daughter for school, she sits up on her own and stretches as she comes to life each morning. She performs well in school. Our fridge has food. Our car is owned and has gas in the tank (most mornings). I drive her to school and me to work accident free. When I arrive at my job my badge works as I swipe in signaling another day closer to payday.

Although the list could go on for hours, it isn't necessary. The routine of our days may seem endless at times, but many people would kill for a routine of any kind. For the parent of a severely ill child, routine is comforting and coveted. So let us stop complaining and feeling sorry for ourselves, let's pause and contemplate the miracles of our day. They may seem insignificant, but try living life without them.

Photo courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/photos/hemflock/

It Could Always Be Worse

"It could always be worse." This used to be one of Tre's favorite statements to me. I say "used to" because he doesn't say it much any more. I'm thankful because I always wanted to smack him hard when he'd say it. Not because I didn't believe it but because I wasn't interested in hearing it at the time. When you're feeling sorry for yourself, you want to be left alone.

As I sat down to write, I realized that it's been several days since I talked to my younger brother and his wife. I've been getting updates on my nephew here and there, but no chats. I've been feeling overwhelmed lately with the husband, kids, work and church. The house looks like a tornadic hurricane blew through it. I finally got my hair done, so I look a little less like a corpse. I've had short patience for dealing with nonsense. I'm just downright tired of foolishness in every area of my life. In the midst of my frustration, I haven't been praying as much as I should.

I've neglected to send thoughtful texts and pray constantly for the health of my precious nephew. It's not that I don't pray for him and his sister and parents, I just think I've been too focused on the mayhem in my life right now and have temporarily lost focus of the things that matter the most. After hearing about the past 7 days in my brother's life, I am reminded that my stress does not begin to compare to what they are dealing with. God has gently reminded me that he is ordering my steps each day and that He will bear my burdens. He is shifting my focus from my situation to that of my nephew. I am thankful for that. Praying for him is a more constructive way to spend my time.

It turns out that Tre was right. Don't tell him I said so please. It is easy to feel sorry for myself. It is easy to selfishly focus on my stresses and neglect those of others in the process. I don't want to be selfish any more. Thank you Lord for knocking some sense into me and telling me to get over myself.

Bear With Me

Bear with this uncharacteristically long post. I'm going somewhere. My life is in a state of flux right now. My heart and mind are filled with thoughts that are dying to be posted, yet unfortunately many remain in the digital camera of my mind's eye. I know each of you can relate to the mayhem that ensues in our lives each day.

There are jobs that stress us out (if we let them). There are responsibilities in trying to keep your house from being declared a national disaster area (at which I'm failing miserably). Then there are the children who have more needs than a patient in a convalescent home (and I love them so dearly)! And let me not neglect to mention my handsome husband, the youth pastor/soccer coach/life coach/daddy daycare/... (who keeps me the busiest of all)!

Right now, me head is so full of hats that many of my thoughts have been lost under all of them. I am desperately working towards more structure and less clutter (in my brain, that is). I am paring down our schedules to include only essential things, however, I'm thinking we have a few too many "essentials" right now. Tre and I are also communicating and praying during this time of transitions to make sure that we don't get disconnected and lost in the fray.

As the only daughter of a busy pastor (my dad works full-time and still serves his parishioners), I watched the business in his life. I watched him work all day, come straight to my track meet, then rush off to the hospital before going home. I'm not sure when he ate. I remember him contemplating vacations because someone in the flock was sick in the hospital, and he was concerned about being too far away. I watched him come home with his work goggles and burned shirt (from sparks flying), rush up to shower and change in time to pick up kids for children's church. I could literally go on for hours, but it isn't necessary to make my point.

While I love the members of his church as much as my family, I did not always want to share him with them. Plus church folks aren't the easiest group of people to love. I got sick of leaving practice early to get to church. I got tired of feeling like I lived there sometimes. So I started talking to God a long time ago.

Dear God, I see how my dad is stretched so thin. I see the strain that it puts on my mom. I see how tired he is. I realize that emergencies happen, but couldn't they wait until after our vacation? Why do we need to get home early from dinner on Saturday night so that he can prepare his sermon? And God, if you love me at all, please, please, please don't let me marry a pastor. I think I repeated that part a few times for good measure. Amen.

Some of you are probably laughing right now. But I'm not, and I wasn't then either. I was dead serious. So much so that I immediately burst into loud sobs when two individual people spoke a prophecy over my now husband (then boyfriend), that he would be a pastor. I did not want that life for myself or my children. Don't knock me unless you've been there. A pastor is expected to be so many things for so many people! His children and wife make innumerable sacrifices. The phone doesn't stop ringing, and you can't call-screen them like telemarketers.

While I'm aware that to many, ministry is noble, it is not easy. Many sacrifices are required, and unlike traditional work, there is usually no tangible (earthly) bonus received for an extraordinary job. When we first started serving youth, we were much younger and more carefree. We had no children and few responsibilities. Fast forward 10 years , and we are like clowns juggling at the circus sometimes. Pray for me as we learn to prioritize. As we work to serve the people in our church, let us not forget to serve one another and our children FIRST. Let us always use God as our filter for priorities. Let us avoid burn-out, because this work must be done, and we want to do it to the fullest ability that God allows. We are willing. We love our God and our youth! (and their parents, too)

Seriously??!! Not again!

Thursday. The day before Friday. A day I looked forward to with great anticipation. Meeting a friend at Trader Joe's. Making a stop at Old Navy's winter clearance. Sounds like a wonderful plan. That's just where I went wrong. I had a plan.

Our 6 year-old neglected most of her homework until Thursday which meant I had to scramble to help her after working and feeling sick all day. Not happy. Anyway, I finally got all of the children to sleep when I received a message. My husband, was hit by a deer. Yes, the deer hit him! There were many of them, one rogue deer got spooked and took off into his side of the car. It actually took off the mirror and dented the vehicle. It left behind some hair and some slobber on the window. The other thing it left was a frightened wife and a frustrated husband.

Rewind. Over ten years ago, Tre was traveling to NC from OH alone. I got a call from him late at night saying that he'd hit a huge buck that came through the and broke out most of the glass. He was spared but continues to have strange headaches to this day. I was scared out of my mind. Once I saw the car and the holes in the ceiling from deer antlers, I started to cry. When I realized that the deer came through the passenger side and I had fought in vain to go with him, I was sobered. The responding trooper said it was a miracle that he was alive. This was six months before our wedding.

Fast forward. Thursday. Why again God? We realized that you spared him before? Why again? We gave YOU credit for that miracle. We kept the t-shirt with the holes in it as a reminder of your grace.

I'm convinced that there is a call of my husband's life. Since he made the shift from secular work to ministry, we have experienced many trials. Satan's attempt to derail our obedience to God. This transition has not been without difficulty. Not the least being a drastic salary reduction and the addition of another child to our family. While it should be frightening, God has been taking amazing care of us. We have all of our needs and even some of our wants met. I'm still wondering if God has another message for us in this latest accident.

The Power to Persevere

Before our daughter was born, I had already decided to nurse her. They always say it's best, although I don't know if "they" have ever tried it. Warning, the following may not be for the faint of heart, but stick with me, I'm going somewhere.

The first day of nursing is filled with anticipation as the long awaited little bundle lays snuggled in your arms awaiting her first meal. I remember this day clearly with each of my children. As I wipe back tears of joy, I draw my child close to me and nourish her. But by the end of day one, those tears of joy have turned to tears of pain! Picture cracking, soreness and bleeding. Use your imagination.

Many days I wanted to reach for Enfamil. Other days I wanted to have my head examined. When the milk did not come, I wanted to give up. When I awakened in a pool of milk, I wanted to scream. When engorgement happened, the pain drove me toward a bottle. When, after all of this, my daughter refused to eat for no apparent reason, I was certain this sacrifice was too much for me to endure.

My husband encouraged me to persevere. He reminded me of the struggles I'd had with the other two and let me know it would all work out. I prayed. I cried. And prayed and cried some more. I'm pleased to say that it is working out. Everything is alright. I'm persevering, and it's paying off. Our daughter is healthy. She is growing exponentially. Praise God!

My point is this, I could have given up. Many times I wanted to do just that. It is often tempting to quit when it hurts. When love is painful, we want to throw in the towel. When a friend betrays us, we become reclusive. I'm learning to pray in the strangest of circumstances.

As I breathed through contractions, I prayed. As I subsequently pushed and felt every pain, I prayed, imploring God to help me to get through it. I knew that I couldn't do it in my own strength. I chose to nurse, and I chose to deliver naturally. For me, it was best. And when my alert baby looked at me for the first time with amazing clarity, I knew it was worth it!

When we struggle to endure, we should go to the God who never leaves us. We should realize that difficulty doesn't need to conquer us.

Many times it is necessary for us to go through the fire to get to the gold. If distractions are keeping you from quiet time with God, persevere. If you feel distant from Him, persevere. Don't let our enemy steal from you. Don't settle for second best. Push through the pain and persevere.

Reborn

It feels so good to write again. Even as a I do so, a small person is resting in my lap. As her hand clasps my shirt, I feel incredibly blessed. I've missed writing. I'm so passionate about it, and I've felt a void in its absence. I have missed the camaraderie with my friends who enjoy my musings, and even those who don't enjoy them!

As most of you know, I safely delivered our third child on October 22nd! We are so thrilled and thankful beyond words. I have since been immersed in mothering. For the first time in years I feel like a real wife and mother. Most importantly, I feel like me again! I'm tired, but fulfilled. I am enjoying my life. I got to visit my husband at work in the middle of the day. Although my body aches, and I feel like I need a hip replacement, I am overjoyed! Sorry for all of the exclamation points, I'm just very happy.

As I transition into a new chapter of my life, I ask for your prayers. My husband is ministering to the youth at our church now (an answer to a long-time prayer), and I long to be by his side in service. I also wish to involve myself in women's ministry but feel pulled in too many directions. Right now I need not to worry, but my mind is not listening. I do trust God for His direction, but I have Him on my schedule. Fail! Please join me in prayer. There is a fire burning inside me, and I can't wait to see how God brings it to fruition. Trust Him with and for me. Stop by and say hello.

I Parked My Jet at My Castle

I just tripped over an article about Forbes Top 400. The people named are all billionaires. If you're like me, you don't even know how many zeros that is off the top of your head. The article talks about the things they could buy if they wanted to. The list includes jets, islands and castles. The part that most caught my eye was when the author stated that these rich people could purchase the entire economy of many countries! Those on the list are said to have a collective wealth of over 1 trillion dollars!

Bill Gates, the mogul behind Microsoft, is worth about $50 billion. The article says that his personal worth is greater than the GDP of 140 countries, including Costa Rica and Bolivia. For some of you this may come as a shock. For others, you may not be as surprised. I feel the need to put these facts into perspective.

The GDP, or gross domestic product, of a country is the total value of goods and services made within a country according to Wikipedia. This includes income and investments. It is used to estimate economic performance and the overall standard of living of the residents.

Let's take Bolivia. According to Wikipedia, it is a country with a population of about 9 million people and a nearly 60% poverty level and a GDP lower than all other South American countries. The article also states that many of the women of the country are illiterate.

From this perspective, I find Gates' wealth much more intriguing. One man has the resources of 9 million people. The question is: what does he do with it? According to this article, he and his wife established the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation in 2000. It also states that they have given over $28 billion to charitable organizations. While the foundation is tax exempt and their giving is tax deductible, I find this number astonishing still.

Luke 12:48 tells us that much is required from the one who has been given much. Do we really believe that? If we all gave what we are capable of giving, would poverty exist in this world? Would any person go hungry? How can a person love his own wealth so much that he is willing to let others starve or die of treatable illnesses because they can't afford or access health care? While I'm not referring to Mr. Gates as being stingy, there are many wealthy people who feel no sense of responsibility for those who are less fortunate around them. I find that appalling.

This scripture does not simply apply to the extremely rich, and I don't believe it's talking only about money. All of us are given something, and all of us have opportunities to share those gifts with others. Pay it forward today.

Too Many People in Our Bed

As a working mom of two young children, I'm pretty busy most of the time. Since we are expecting our third child, I think I've moved into a new category of people. I'm officially weird. For those of you who know me, you may say this has nothing to do with the children, but bear with me.

Many who see me often seemed surprised that I'm expecting another child. I'm not sure why. There's the obvious: You already have a boy and a girl. And your point is? I actually had someone tell me that they did not know I was expecting another one. They followed with, "Was it planned?" Wow. How bold and how very personal. What goes on in my bedroom is now the public's business!

I don't see the big deal. I'm happily married for over 9 years. We have jobs and support our own children. Our current children are happy and healthy. Did I mention, I'm married? People have asked me if I'm happy about the baby? How do you respond to such ludicrous questions?

I'm appalled that someone would ask me if my child was planned or if I'm happy about it. I should have answered in an equally insane way. "Actually this child is not mine, I've agreed to be a surrogate for a coworker. Don't worry, they're paying me well." The sad fact is that many would accept this answer better than that we simply wanted another child in spite of the fact that we have 1 boy and 1 girl already. Our society is so strange...

Our children are blessings, and I think I'd have 20 if we could afford it and if they didn't all come from me!

Still Going...

Lately I've been feeling very pregnant. My body is changing rapidly, and my energy level is waning. Every day tasks require so much effort, and sciatica makes walking feel like torture at times! The 90+ temps and rain forest humidity levels make swelling inevitable. Breathing is challenging, and the so-called pregnancy glow just looks like overactive pores to me! But enough about the joys of pregnancy.

My precious daughter is coming along famously. She is very active, and has the same silly personality as he older sister and brother. I'm so excited to meet this precious child. In spite of the uncomfortableness of being pregnant in very hot weather, I still feel extremely blessed. I am dreaming about how my 3 children will interact with each other. How will this little girl look? What will she weigh at birth? What day will she be born? And after how many hours?! I enjoy sharing this with all of you. For those who have requested pictures, I'll have to think about that. No one tells a pregnant woman the truth about her appearance for fear of setting off a torrent of hormones! Although this fear does not seem to affect my oldest brother...