On the Mend

I felt sad when I looked at how long it's been since I posted anything.  Not only have I missed it (and you), but it reminds me of how challenging the interim has been.

I've been sick.  About 3 years ago, I started getting ill without an understandable reason.  After many months and tests, the problem was linked to my thyroid malfunctioning.

After getting increasingly more tired and weaker, my thyroid increased in size so much that it started to impede swallowing and breathing.  I had surgery and had it removed last spring.

Since then, I've been poked like a pin cushion in an effort to regulate my body sans thyroid.  This has been very difficult as I've had trouble sleeping and been exhausted more often than not.

I am very thankful that it seems we're finally in the ballpark of having it in the range of normal.  God is faithful!

I am slowly starting to feel more energized, and I hope to start writing more regularly again.

So what have I missed?  What challenges have you been facing recently, and how has God shown His faithfulness to you?

Sunshine and Rain

     As a transplanted Ohioan living in the South, I am well accustomed with myriad weather fluctuations.  From October until April, Ohio is blanketed with cloud cover more often than not.   I can remember those clouds invading the happy moments of my life as Fall approached and the long, sunny days of summer began to fade.  As the sunshine dwindled, so did my happy moods.

After studying biological rhythms in graduate school, I now realize that the fluctuation in my moods had a direct link to the extended lack of sunlight shining through the windows.  Without getting scientific on you, sunshine triggers happy things in our brain.  So why am I telling you this?  

Our part of the world has been gray and gloomy for days now.  We went for almost a week without sun, shrouded in a cover of rain and sleet.  My mood hit the skids pretty fast.  It's been years since I felt like this, and I was determined not to get sucked in.

This little initiative required much more work than I thought it would...

I gave myself pep talks daily, and asked God to help me not to allow my mood to reflect the weather patterns.  He prompted me to focus on the things that I could be thankful for.  That helped.  

Another truth I focused on was our need for rain.  Beats a drought, right?

But perhaps the biggest thing I realized was how happy I was when the sun peaked out from the clouds today.  The joy I felt went far beyond what it has in the past.  Of its own volition, a smile spread across my face.

In previous years, the sun was out so much that I had begun to take it for granted.  Isn't this so like us?  In good times, we grow complacent and often feel entitled.  But when the clouds of life encroach on our comfort and threaten to disrupt our well-laid plans, we balk.

So what's the moral of the story? Clouds help us to better bask in the the sun.  Troubles help us appreciate blessings.

What do you think?  How do you deal with clouds?

Survival Truths

When you ask God for something, do you really think He will answer you?  When you pray, do you believe He hears you?  When you call out to Him, do you think he really cares about what you're saying?

I admit that I sometimes lose sight of these truths when I am in the middle of a big crisis (or two).  Sometimes I whine and cry and ask why this or that is happening to me.  Sometimes I allow doubt to creep in and the devil to steal my peace from me.

One thing I love about God is that He is patient with me.  He patiently waits for me to refocus my attention where it's supposed to be: off of my problems and onto Him.  He forgives my lack of faith and holds me closely.

The Word reminds me that we will have problems, but we can take heart because He has already overcome the world.  May this Truth remind you as I am allowing it to remind me tonight.

His Goodness, not Mine

Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life.  And I will live in the house of the Lord forever.  Amen.

While this is a mishmash of several different versions of Psalm 23:6, it's how it flowed out of my heart tonight.  I hope you're okay with that.

This is the verse that entered my mind when I was pondering the fruit of the spirit of goodness.

Since I am not good, I thought of God's goodness.  We are not born good, nor do we become good.  But in God's goodness, He has volunteered to share some of it with us.  He shines through us.  We are not good in anyway without Him.  So any "good" people see in me is His light shining through.  I can't take a bit of credit.

I'm just grateful that He's so good to me, even though I don't deserve it.

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• the ever-changing th...
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Inexpressible Joy

A couple of weeks ago I was wandering aimlessly at work in search of Chick-Fil-A.  I knew there was one on the campus, but I didn't know exactly how to get there.  As a new employee on a huge campus, I have spent a lot of time lost and at the mercy of others.  If you know me at all, you will know that's not a place I like to be.  But, back to my search for chicken and waffle fries...

As I walked, a person asked me for directions to the main hospital.  Great.  I'm lost, and someone needs directions.  Oh boy.  I told her I wasn't sure, but that I thought it was down the hill.  I offered to walk with her until we found it.  It was actually down the hill.  Yay, me! In the process of walking and talking, I learned that she had recently lost her job and had subsequently become homeless.  I was immediately humbled.

We shared lunch together and talked some more.  In the process, I learned that I am so blessed.  Though we have been hit very hard economically, we are still hanging onto our home by a thread and meals come regularly.  Since I had to rush off to a meeting, I didn't have time to stay for long with her.  I had intended to come back and meet her at the end of my day, but circumstances precluded it.

I prayed that I would see her again.  Yesterday, as I was leaving work walking in a new direction, I saw her again.  JOY filled my heart.  God had heard my prayers and answered in a way that only He could.  And I had NO doubt that it was His work alone.  We hugged.  We talked.  I know I'll see her again, and I know He's taking care of her in ways that I can't.  That gave me "inexpressible" joy.  

God is the only source of true joy (I Pet. 1:8), and He pours His joy out in unexpected ways.  And, though I had to settle that day for a well-made panini over my waffle fries,  I got something much better in the end.  What filled your heart with unspeakable (inexpressible) joy today?

For more on the Joy Fruit of the Spirit, please visit:

There is Beauty in Letting Go: http://beautyintheletgo.blogspot.com/

The Rabbit Hole Chronicles: http://therabbitholechronicles.wordpress.com/

The Ever-changing Thought: http://tecthought.com/

A Joyful Journal: http://ajoyfuljournal.blogspot.com/
Out Lout in My Head:  http://outloudinmyhead.blogspot.com/

When Life Gets in the Way

Truly, my title says it all tonight.  I recently returned to work after an extended hiatus.  Though I spent most of it in grad school, it's still taking some adjusting for me to get used to a schedule again.  Everything has changed.  My wake up time is different.  My bed time is different.  My free time is different.

While I'm thankful and somewhat happy with the new gig, I am frustrated by what has happened to my routine. How many of you can relate?  Change can be so hard.  Life has a way of throwing us curve balls and mixing everything up.  At times we feel like everything is out of our control.  The reality is that everything is out of our control, and that's a really good thing.

Right now I an trying to get back on track.  I've fallen terribly behind on my YouVersion plan, and that disappoints me.  I've been missing meeting with my Virtual Bible Study girls, too.  I am carefully re-prioritizing my recently changed life, and I will be ready to grab the proverbial "bull by the horns" before too long.

He has gently reminded me that His plans for me are good ones; meant to prosper me and not hurt me. (Jer. 29:11)  What changes are you dealing with in your life right now?

Humbled Beyond Words

I am writing this with tears in my eyes.  My heart is full to overflowing.  I am so humbled that I cannot find the words to express it.  I have just spent the last hour discussing brokenness with some encouraging women.  This was the first actual meeting for the Virtual Bible Study.

I admitted before that starting this study was a big leap of faith for me, totally outside of my usual comfort zone.  But after this meeting, I am already looking forward to the next one.  I feel so blessed by each of them and their unique insights.

I am humbled that God placed me there with them tonight.  I pray for each of them.  I pray that they feel even half as blessed as I do right now, because I feel like I could float away.  I am so glad God gave me the strength to trust Him enough to simply obey.  I am anticipating all that He has planned for us.

He promised He would be with us when two or more are gathered (Matt. 18:20), and He definitely kept His promise.  I am so grateful I was there.

Peace in a Storm

As we move from the Thanksgiving holiday into the Christmas season, I am putting things into perspective.  This has been a very financially hard year for my family.  I know we are not alone in this fact, and many of you can probably relate.  The interesting thing is that God has used this time period to increase my faith in Him.  He has miraculously provided for us in ways that we could not understand or foresee.  Our own thinking would have dictated a different path for us, but God has our steps marked out.

I don't know what's next for us.  I am weeks from graduating and no closer to finding a new job.  I just keep hearing God tell me to trust Him and walk forward without looking away from Him.  He promised to meet all of my needs, and I am resting in that today.  I am working not to dwell on my circumstances no matter how tempting it is to do so.  God has never left me alone.  When I feel far away from Him, I realize that I am the one who moved away.

As we prepare for Santa's visit, I am wondering how we will put presents under the tree.  I know that God will meet our needs and some of our wants too.  I am carrying the spirit of Thanksgiving into the Christmas holiday. I am not stressing over cyber Monday or all of the alleged sales that are taking place right now.  I am enjoying the peace that comes from knowing God is holding me and teaching me right now where I am.

My Secret Thoughts

I want to tell you that things have been extremely hard for us lately. Our cars are all in disrepair. Our finances are truly inadequate. There have been times in the last few months when I have questioned God. I have yelled at Him. I have doubted Him. I have quite talking to Him. I have experienced such a range of emotions that I thought I was losing my mind.

I have made futile attempts to stand on God's promises and fallen short. I have wondered how long this season will last. I have wondered what I did wrong and evaluated my life. I have wondered where God was and whether or not He was laughing at me.

But today He spoke to me. As I was putting the finishing touching on dinner, the lyrics to a Fred Hammond song came into my head. Since I haven't heard it in a very long time, I knew this whisper was from God. I instructed our oldest child to bring my CDs, and I began to listen. I fully intended to go straight to that song, but God had another plan. I ended up listening to the whole thing.

I laughed, I cried. I shouted out loud. I prayed and even begged God to forgive my lack of faith. In a way that only He can, He reached out and wrapped me in His arms through each song's message. With puffy eyes, I write this with a subtle smile. My heart feels light, and my spirit is renewed.

Though nothing in my circumstances have changed, my thoughts toward God are back where they need to be, I realize that He has been there all along. I feel loved and protected now in a way I have been missing. I feel immeasurable gratitude.

Trials come to make us stronger and to show God's glory. By the time we pass through this, I will be stronger than Samson with the wisdom of Solomon. I have stomped on the devil's head and let Him know who I have working for me. He has to back off now.

I Know What I'm Doing

In a world of so much chaos, I'm thankful that I serve the God of the universe. The same One who calmed the sea and raised the dead. I'm so thankful that He knows my name and hears my thoughts. I'm glad that the number of hairs on my head is known by Him. I'm grateful that He doesn't leave me even when I try to leave Him. I'm grateful that He never leaves me. I feel safe knowing that He has all of my steps marked out. If only I could trust Him implicitly.

Tonight I pray for more faith. I'm at a huge crossroads in my life right now, and I know that God is calling me to step outside of my comfort zone and out on faith. I'm being lured away from my safety net and into His waiting arms. Follow me because I will never lead you astray. I know the plans that I have for you. I know what I am doing. I am the Alpha and Omega. I love you, and I know all about you. Take up your cross and follow Me. Lord, strengthen my faith, and let me trust you and you alone as I take this next step. Amen.

The Miracles in My Day

Because of "corporate downsizing", I've been thrust into an environment of sadness and despair. Many people are walking around like the world is ending very soon. Like death is eminent. The days have grown long. At times I have difficulty wanting to walk into the building. So I've begun to talk to God and myself a lot more.

What are the miracles in my day? The mere fact that I have a day is a miracle that isn't promised to all people. The fact that I wake up each morning unaided by an alarm. The fact that once I'm awake, I can open up my eyes and see the sunlight peaking through my window. I can hear the weather man as he tells me to grab a jacket on my way out. I can climb out of bed without a cane or wheelchair. The bed I sleep in is indoors. It is inside of the 4 walls of a house that is ours, well, technically we borrow it from the bank.

When I walk into the bathroom, like magic, the lights come on. In the shower, warm water cascades. When I wake up my daughter for school, she sits up on her own and stretches as she comes to life each morning. She performs well in school. Our fridge has food. Our car is owned and has gas in the tank (most mornings). I drive her to school and me to work accident free. When I arrive at my job my badge works as I swipe in signaling another day closer to payday.

Although the list could go on for hours, it isn't necessary. The routine of our days may seem endless at times, but many people would kill for a routine of any kind. For the parent of a severely ill child, routine is comforting and coveted. So let us stop complaining and feeling sorry for ourselves, let's pause and contemplate the miracles of our day. They may seem insignificant, but try living life without them.

Photo courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/photos/hemflock/

The Stuff that Matters

The other day I was chatting with two coworkers about the workplace politics and allowing stuff to get the best of you. It's so easy to get bogged down in all of the things that are wrong in a workplace, really any place. I told them that I've seen quite a few people come and go in our department. The ones who let it get the best of them don't last.

I spoke from experience. I was the one who was letting it get the best of me. I was letting bitterness set in. I was frustrated everyday. I expected changes and logical steps that most likely were never going to happen. Meanwhile, I was letting those frustrations make me cranky. I was complaining constantly, and things remained the same.

After I miscarried, there was a switch that clicked inside of me. Why are you allowing things that don't matter to control your happiness? When my hip refused to heal after childbirth, and I struggled with mobility. I had repeated difficulties with my disability process. When I quit worrying and stressing, God took over. When my nephew was diagnosed with cancer, a transformation began inside me.

Most of the things I allow to plague me are not life and death. Sadly, most aren't even important in the grand scheme of things. I've been making a conscious effort to enjoy everyday. Especially the time I spend with my family. I've been taking time to smell the roses. I've still got a long way to go, but I'm getting there. Just the other day my friend said that she's noticed a calm about me lately. It made me smile. It means the changes is noticeable, and I thank God for it.

Don't sweat the small stuff. Even the stuff that seems insurmountable. If it is truly beyond our control, we have to accept that. God knows the outcome. He sees the whole picture while we see only what's in front of us. Greater still, He controls all. He has the ability to alter situations in unimaginable ways in the blink of an eye. I'm so glad He is who holds my future. Rest in that today.

Seriously??!! Not again!

Thursday. The day before Friday. A day I looked forward to with great anticipation. Meeting a friend at Trader Joe's. Making a stop at Old Navy's winter clearance. Sounds like a wonderful plan. That's just where I went wrong. I had a plan.

Our 6 year-old neglected most of her homework until Thursday which meant I had to scramble to help her after working and feeling sick all day. Not happy. Anyway, I finally got all of the children to sleep when I received a message. My husband, was hit by a deer. Yes, the deer hit him! There were many of them, one rogue deer got spooked and took off into his side of the car. It actually took off the mirror and dented the vehicle. It left behind some hair and some slobber on the window. The other thing it left was a frightened wife and a frustrated husband.

Rewind. Over ten years ago, Tre was traveling to NC from OH alone. I got a call from him late at night saying that he'd hit a huge buck that came through the and broke out most of the glass. He was spared but continues to have strange headaches to this day. I was scared out of my mind. Once I saw the car and the holes in the ceiling from deer antlers, I started to cry. When I realized that the deer came through the passenger side and I had fought in vain to go with him, I was sobered. The responding trooper said it was a miracle that he was alive. This was six months before our wedding.

Fast forward. Thursday. Why again God? We realized that you spared him before? Why again? We gave YOU credit for that miracle. We kept the t-shirt with the holes in it as a reminder of your grace.

I'm convinced that there is a call of my husband's life. Since he made the shift from secular work to ministry, we have experienced many trials. Satan's attempt to derail our obedience to God. This transition has not been without difficulty. Not the least being a drastic salary reduction and the addition of another child to our family. While it should be frightening, God has been taking amazing care of us. We have all of our needs and even some of our wants met. I'm still wondering if God has another message for us in this latest accident.

Follow Me

For y'all who have been hanging in there with me through this pregnancy, thank you. I mean it. I love you all. I know my writing has been more sporadic. Trust me, my intentions are good. I will still write, but since it's not as regular right now, I would ask each of you to follow this blog on the link provided. Then when I write, you''ll be notified, and you won't be frustrated as much, hopefully.

I look forward to chatting with you more. I enjoy sharing with you and having you allow me into tiny corners of your world. I appreciate the privilege you've given me. Please share with others if you are enjoying my musings. If not, please share with me. Tell me what you'd like to talk about. Express your dislikes and concerns, too. May God bless each of you abundantly according to His riches.

A Face for the Feelings

If you're wondering why I did not write yesterday, I have a good excuse. Yesterday, we got a chance to see our unborn baby. I now have a face to go with the wiggly movements I've been feeling. It was amazing. The sheer wonderment never ceases, no matter how many times I've been here before. If I wasn't a bum, I'd try to scan in pics for you all to see. For now, imagination will have to suffice.

The perfectly crafted spine, the symmetrical cranium, the life-giving blood flow, the wonderful complement of ten fingers and toes. All seen in spectacular detail. Our children and my mom shared in this with us. What a blessing. Watching the fascination in the eyes of our little ones as they "met" their new sibling for the first time warmed my heart.

I do not take for granted the clean bill of health given to our baby. No abnormalities seen on the ultrasound. Thank you God! The organs are beautiful. The bones are long and straight. As one who sees anomalies on a daily basis, I have untold knowledge of the various things than could go wrong. So tonight I'm overjoyed. The melodious sound of my baby's heartbeat echoing in my ears... God's little rainbow of promise to me.

Marriage Miracle

This month, my husband and I celebrated 9 years of marriage. While the time has gone by quickly, it surely hasn't been easy all the time. I realize that we are blessed. Now, more than ever.

During this past week, I have watched Facebook statuses change from single to married, from married to "it's complicated", and from married to single. What a busy couple of days. As usual, I started thinking.

What makes a marriage fall apart? Was it gradual or in the blink of an eye? At times it's a series of betrayals. Perhaps there is infidelity at the root. Often couples say that they have just "fallen out of love"?

When analyzing my own marriage, I notice the biggest holes when our spiritual connection is unacceptable. Distance expands into a gulf than seems impassable. At times, you feel helpless and afraid of what tomorrow will bring. When financial difficulties are looming, the stress level takes a toll on our union. When our children are placed too high on our list, the strain is evident. So why do couples stay together in spite of hardships? I have no idea.

We love each other, but I honestly don't think it's a prerequisite to marriage. At times, we stay because we said we would. I'm thankful for the promise and the covenant we have together. I'm glad that God is the third strand. I'm glad to be married. Still. I can't take our time together for granted. Each day is a blessing. Each year a milestone. My marriage is worth protecting and holding on to.

I'm also praying for those with new marriages, those in crisis and those that have ended. God is the Father who cares enough to hold us through the hardest times. Thank you.

How God Used Facebook

My husband had a wonderful best friend when we met. They were like brothers and made me laugh! When he said he was getting married, we were thrilled and excited to meet his bride. We all hit it off. They moved out of the country, and we all lost touch.

Many times over the years, I've harassed my husband to try and track them down. I've missed them and wished, maybe even prayed, we'd find them. Then, out of the blue, my husband received message on Facebook. There he was. They live only an hour away from us! All because of Facebook and some divine intervention.

Good Night

As the work week closes, I want to offer a brief thanksgiving to God for His strength. My adventures in prayer are going well. I made it to work without falling asleep at my microscope. My family was kept safe. My id badge still works! I have not been laid off. My unborn baby is wiggling! I have wonderful people around me. My mom is coming to visit this month. My anniversary is coming up. We're celebrating Mother's Day. My daughter's having a birthday. I'm free to worship where and how I choose. Anyway... Thank you, God.

Driving Scared

A few short days ago, I was driving into work. Everything was business as usual. I was talking to my mom on my Bluetooth headset, and navigating the highway. Then something happened... Suddenly I saw breaklights in my lane, and I realized the lane had come to a screeching halt. I knew there was no way I could miss the car in front, so I hit the breaks and decided to swerve into the median. As I did, 2 other cars starting coming over simultaneously. As I struggled to control my car and avoid the other drivers, I narrowly missed slamming into the wall. In fact, according to the officer, my left side went up onto it.

The fear I felt was immediate. I thought I was dead. I thought of my unborn baby. Once my heart rhythm slowed down, I offered thanks to God for saving our lives.

As the day went on, I began to access the damage. Not to my car, because I didn't care. My mind. I instantly thought of the time I've been wasting on meaningless things. I realized my mortality and the indefinite time I'm promised on this earth. That could have been my last day. Since God kept me, I take that to mean He is mercifully giving me more time to complete the tasks He's given me. Perhaps this was a wake-up call. I am committed to making every day count and to enjoying even the simplest things. I also know that my daughter's prayer for my safety was heard that day and so many more. Thank you, Lord.

The Best of Times

Recently a friend of mine posted a photo on Facebook and tagged me in it. This picture took me back almost 13 years ago to a time when the economy was good, and my life was pretty carefree. The image brought with it a rush of memories.

I enjoyed reading what everyone else wrote about the picture. The picture was taken on a camping trip that we took after graduation. It was filled with adventure and so much laughter. We got lost in the woods even though boy scouts were with us. We enjoyed food cooked over a campfire and the beautiful scenery of the water falls. I'm so thankful our parents trusted us enough to let us go.

It was one of the happiest memories of growing up. The beauty is that I has so many good friends that the great memories abound. I had the time of my life in junior high and high school. My friends were good people, and we did not get into trouble together. We had good clean legal fun. Movies and lots of eating. Some times just hanging out at one another's house or the Dairy Queen. I thank God for friends and for Facebook and amazing memories.