Virtual Beauty

Last week I stumbled into a mini firestorm.  Apparently real women are not en vogue right now for modeling.  The H&M clothing company has decided to use virtual models for swim suit and lingerie models.  They've been criticized heavily for this choice.  They were accused of "creating unrealistic physical ideals" by a Norwegian company in the ABC News article I read, while the company defends its position to simply show off the clothes.

What I'm trying to figure out is how this is any different from the live models that are usually used especially for these types of clothing?  My body doesn't look like a swimsuit model's, and I have no illusions that it does.  So if most women don't look like models, how is this affecting the self image of women any worse that live models?  Help me out.  Am I missing something.  Real of virtual?  Does it make a difference?

Short, Slinky Spandex

How many of you find yourself comparing your appearance to others? I don't do this often, but I did it yesterday. What I'm sharing with you is deeply personal, so please handle it with kid gloves.

As you all know, I gave birth to our third child last year. Many people tell me that I look "great" or "you don't look like you've had three kids." I politely thank them and go on my way. While compliments are nice, they don't mean squat if you don't buy them.

Last night I attended my brother-in-law's wedding. So of course I was surrounded by young women with no husband and no children. Since Tre was in the wedding, I had the two younger children. The eldest was the flower girl, but became my charge after the ceremony. I did have some help from my sister-in-law and another one to be, but I they're lightweights! My kids wore us all out. They were tired and cranky, and I was almost to tears before it was all over. Anyway...

The waifs were everywhere. For the first real time, I felt like covering my gray hairs. I felt older and more tired and bigger than so many! It was a strange feeling for me, and I'm not sure why it hit when it did.

Perhaps it was the overly tight, overly short dresses were in huge supply. While I have never dressed like that, it was because of my morals, not because I couldn't pull it off. Now it's a little bit of both. Clothes cover a multitude of sins. Baby pouches are unglamorous, and when you hate crunches and love cheesecake as much as I, you may always have one! The other thing is that even though my scale tells me I am the same as I was before babies, the weight is distributed differently, and gravity is against me! I guess I can't be a convincing Catwoman this Halloween.

I guess it's a good thing I have a God that looks at me from the inside out and loves me anyway. If I decide to get serious about exercising, maybe I'll be the one in the short, slinky spandex at the next reception. Or maybe not.

Plus Sized?

When America's Next Top Model first aired on UPN, I tuned in. I thought it looked interesting, and it was entertaining. After what seems like 100 seasons, I don't watch any more. But I just noticed they recently chose their first plus-sized winner, Whitney Thompson. Since I was surprised, I decided to look her up. The pictures I found do not support the term "plus-sized". She's a size 10! She has curves and looks like a for real woman.


I guess I just didn't realize size 10 is plus-size now. How the times change. No wonder girls and women suffer with low self-esteem. I learned that this beautiful woman is very proud of her body and was chosen as one of MSN' Lifestyles' Most Influential Women of 2008. She measures 36-32-43. Besides for her confidence, I don't know much about her inner-beauty. I am so thrilled to see a gorgeous woman with curves who commands attention and loves her body as is.

Picture from the above link

I Need a Man (Pt 3)

Time for part 3: Check Yourself.

Time for introspection. Look within. In part 2, we created a definition for a good man. Now we ask, "Am I good?" Believe it or not, we can repel men better than Deep Woods Off! Am I needy? Do I have my own interests? Do I truly feel comfortable being alone? Do I like me? How do I feel about my appearance? When I dress "sexy", what's my motive? Who will I attract with my attire? Is he good? If you dress like a trick, you may attract a john.

In the book, Knight in Shining Armor, author P.B.Wilson explores the many things we as women need to repair BEFORE joining our lives to another. One fallacy is the statement, "He completes me." Wrong. Are you a half person? Many of us are. We are lost without a man.

Self-esteem is one of the largest factors. You should exude confidence. If you don't think you're beautiful, why should he? If you don't respect yourself, why should he? If you don't love yourself, how can he?

If you don't know you're beautiful, spend time with a Man who loves you from the inside out. Wholly and deeply. Unconditionally. A good starting point is one of my favorite verses. Psalm 139:14, tells is that we are "fearfully and wonderfully made". YouVersion will translate it many ways for you. This tells us that we are not a mistake! God took His time with me. I am wonderful! We all are.

Learning to see ourselves as our Creator does may take time and much prayer since so much affects our self-image. Whether it's the media barrage, extra weight or a bad break-up, it is often hard to speak the truth to our own heart. I know that as much as my husband loves me, his love is a mere shadow of my Father's love. I am a princess because my Father is the King.

How Weight Affects How I Feel About Me

I was reading about Jessica Alba, an actress who recently had a baby. She talked about the difficulty of her workouts. She was so adamant about regaining her pre-baby body that she worked herself into tears. All of this was so she could be "perfect" for a photo shoot. Apparently the workouts were more painful than the delivery, she recently told People magazine. She also shares her secrets for looking slimmer.

So this made me think... My friend and I gave birth one month apart back in 2003. When she returned to work, she looked great! She told me that she had a good girdle. I bought one immediately. One of my greatest fears about having a baby was gaining weight that I could never get rid of. We've all heard people say, "She really let herself go". Thankfully, someone else told me that nursing was a built-in way to lose the weight after baby. It was also true. I was pleasantly surprised.

So, now that I am over thirty, my metabolism has slowed down, but my love for eating hasn't! While my clothes still fit, sometimes I feel "heavy". So I have started to pay more attention to my meals. Not how much, but the content. Being a working mom sometimes causes me to compromise the quality of meals. I'm sure many of you know what I'm speaking of.

So while I refuse to work myself to tears, I do have a responsibility to care for the body I was given. Staying at my current size makes me feel good about what I see in the mirror. While I'm far from obsessed, I am paying more attention. I'm practicing better eating habits for health and wellness. I'm also learning not to be so hard on myself. I can't compare myself to millionaires who spend fortunes on lipo, trainers and botox. I also cannot airbrush myself before leaving each day. So I guess I have to get used to the changes childbirth brought and thank God for my little cherubs each time I see a stretch mark!

The Good Girl Wins!

As you know, The Biggest Loser is one of my favorite shows. It just started back, and I am thrilled. The winner of last season was Michelle. I was happy and relieved to see her win. All throughout there was nastiness disguised as "game play". I did not want those who played in such a vindictive way to be rewarded for their cunning. She treated her competition with respect and played the game with honor. At the end, the nice girl won the money and an amazing new body. I guess the good guy doesn't really finish last.

I Know What Sausage Links Feel Like

The other day I put on one of my favorite pairs of jeans. Usually when they get washed, it takes a few hours for them to loosen up and fit perfectly again. However, after wearing them all day, they still felt like I may need to be surgically removed from them. The button hole seemed to have magically moved too far away from the button. The zipper kept "sticking". The thigh portion shrunk! I was appalled. Especially when I realized the problem isn't the jeans.

Every year I look forward to the holidays so that I can eat like food is going out of style. However, I'm not as young as I once was, and my metabolism is not my friend. I tend to exercise in spurts. I love food, so I eat what I want. While I don't eat large portions usually, I never met a milkshake I didn't like. I'm all about moderation, and I think diet is a bad word. But... I think the time has come for me to exercise more regularly. Perhaps Wii Sports doesn't really count. Maybe I should eat oatmeal instead of donuts or muffins for breakfast.

While this all sounds good in theory, I don't know if I will really change. While I like exercise, I don't like getting up early. I wake before 5:30 for work as it is. What's a girl to do?

I guess I am forced to regard my body as the temple that it is. (I Cor 3:16)
It is a gift from God, no matter how big or small. Even if I am a little fluffier than I'd like to be, I still love me. I am paying more attention to my fruit and veggie intake. I think I'll play more Wii Sports. Someday maybe we'll even find Wii Fit. In gratitude and obedience to God, I will exhibit more self-control in caring for my body. Pray hard girls. Cheesecake calls to me!

Zipper Photo courtesy of Insashi via Flickr Creative Commons

Lingerie or Flannel Pajamas?

Several weeks ago, I was shopping with our children. In the process, I found a designer pajama set for a great price. It is a beautiful, silky cranberry. I was so excited! I know, it's sad how little it takes to make me happy. I had two things in mind: these will be sexy and comfortable! How often does that happen? I also figured I could wear them on Christmas morning and look presentable for pictures. I showed them to hubby when I got home, and he was definitely happy. One down. When I tried them on Christmas morning, I felt naked! I was freezing! Great. While they are comfortable, they are not warm.

So, I've decided they are more suited as lingerie. I am not really a lingerie kind of girl, usually. While it does make me feel sexy sometimes, it is cold and sometimes uncomfortable. So hubby and I had a very spirited debate the other day about lingerie as a gift. I think that's a gift for him, not me. While I have quite a collection, courtesy of my bridal shower, it doesn't get much use in our house. Mostly because we're often in a race before the children bust in on us. Partially because it just isn't necessary. All we need is opportunity!

My question is, what do you prefer: lingerie or comfie (not raggedy) jammies? Do you like receiving it as a present? You know, "Happy Mother's Day! I got you this from Fredricks of Hollywood!" Weigh in...

One Sensuous Woman

Here's an interesting view on married sexuality by my girl Shula: Sensuous Wife Blog

The story told here speaks of the power of God to heal us from horrible circumstances and free us to enjoy one of life's great pleasures.

Posing Nude

When I signed on today, I saw an article featuring Jennifer Aniston. At 39, she has posed nude (save a necktie) for the cover of an upcoming GQ magazine. I saw the cover, and she looks amazing! However, what's the point?

Most people agree that she is a beautiful woman, and I am not here to dispute this fact. My question is, what does she gain by sharing her naked body with the entire world? GQ is a men's mag, so we know that she is posing mostly for men. I honestly feel badly for Hollywood women who feel that they must share their bodies with fans in order to claim the spotlight.

I think this proves that women struggle with self-esteem and body image no matter what tax bracket they fall into. While her body is toned and shapely, I can't imagine that she just woke up one day and said, "I need to pose nude. It would make me feel good about myself." Even if she did, we know publicity is the real reason. I mean, look, I'm writing about it after seeing the article, so it's working for her.

In my youth, I have been guilty of wearing clothing strictly because I thought would attract male attention. As adults, do we still dress only to garner attention? I understand the motive, but it's very dangerous. Men are so visually stimulated. Do you really want your husband or teenage son bombarded with images of naked women when he stops in to grab milk at the grocery store?

It is bigger than self expression. While I am aware that she is free to do as she pleases, I believe we should consider the consequences of our actions. Just because we can, doesn't mean we should. What happens if she is a mom someday, and her son's teacher has her posted on his bedroom wall? I know that sex sells, but it shouldn't. Our bodies are temples, not made to be degraded.

I Hate Wrinkles!

Each year I get a little older. Things are not quite the same as they used to be. When I got married, I was thin and perky! After several years and two children, some things have definitely changed.

So as my body changes and skin looses its elasticity, there are some questions I have to ask. When the crows feet come, will I want them tightened? Botox? When the boobs sag and deflate, should I get them filled out and lifted up? Should I give up on sit-ups and schedule a tummy tuck?

Is it vanity? Does it matter?

I think it does matter. How I look affects my self-esteem. It affects how I respond sexually. If I am in shape, I can function better in my daily life.

I like to enjoy what I see in the mirror. There's nothing wrong with that right? But how far is too far?




I can't obsess over my appearance, but I should take pride in myself. After all, my body is God's temple.


I don't know if there is a "right" answer. Just food for thought. I'd love to know what you think.

Good TV

One of my favorite television shows is The Biggest Loser. Because of it, Tuesday nights are something I look forward to. If you've never had the pleasure of seeing it, you're missing out.

The show is about people struggling to lose weight in order to enhance and even save their lives. They have already tried everything else, and this is the last resort. Most are at least 100 pounds too heavy.

What I like is their spirit. I like watching the improvements they make each week, and how hard they work to do so. I always cheer for them and find myself sucked into their struggle. It makes me want to work harder toward my goals and not give up when things are difficult.

I find that perseverance is necessary in every aspect of life. If you are having a hard time motivating yourself these days, tune in sometime and see if you don't feel encouraged afterward.

Naked and Happy

Recently I watched a popular show on Lifetime. It features a man teaching women how to feel confident about themselves no matter what their size. I liked the concept, so I decided to tune in.

The episode I watched was a mother/daughter duo. The daughter was developing low self-esteem as a result of watching her mother berate herself each time she had a chance to do so.

The host took them through a couple of exercises and gave some good pep talks. It ended with the mother doing an almost totally nude photo shoot and the daughter in a bikini for a magazine. They did seem to learn to love themselves, but I couldn't help but think that it won't last.

A couple of things:

The host is an openly gay man. Is it really possible for women to define their beauty by the standards of one who is attracted to other men?

The women who had been told how beautiful they already looked were given extensive makeovers.

What about addressing the psychological reasons why women are so hard on themselves? Television and Media to name two.

After giving birth to 2 children in 3 years, my body parts will never again return to where they used to be. If any of you have breastfed, I am sure you have thrown all of your bikinis away. If not, the stretch marks on your thighs and stomachs have given you another reason to discard skimpy swimsuits and form fitting shirts.

The reality that my body will never look the same was enough to make me cry at first. But there was a person in my life constantly telling me how beautiful I was. I could not believe him. I know some of you have been there. Maybe you are there now.

Deep in my heart, I believe that our beauty, our true beauty is found inside. And we learn to appreciate it by remembering our Creator. He created us "fearfully and wonderfully " .
(Ps. 139:14)

For those of us with daughters, they are watching. So next time you get out of the shower, stop sucking in long enough to take a good long look at yourself in the mirror. Take in all of the flaws. Try to notice some things that you love about you. And if you just can't do it. Remember the One who made you. Ask him to love what you have. Stretch marks, extra pounds, saggy boobs and all.