Babies Everywhere

If you've been reading for a while, you know I often have questions about the things that puzzle me.  I often wonder if I am the only one scratching her head when something odd crosses my radar.  So what am I wondering about today?  Pregnancy.  

No, I am not pregnant, nor do I want to be pregnant.  I have paid my debt to society and obeyed the command to "be fruitful and multiply" :)  What I am wondering about is whether or not you think pregnancy is sacred and about whether or not we encourage unwed pregnancies in our society.

Please don't think I am being a judge, because that is not my intention.  Often, a single, pregnant woman signifies the fact that she bravely chose to allow her baby to live instead of ending its life.  But that's not what I'm talking about today.

What made me ask these questions is the nude spread a very pregnant, single celebrity recently did.  The other is a photo of two very young, single women posing at a baby shower.

While I don't believe unwed mothers should be stoned or persecuted, I do wonder if the shame and stigma that used to be associated with bringing children into the world outside of marriage, is missing.  

Does the fear of being embarrassed help to deter us from making poor decisions?   If that is the case, are we glamorizing single mothers with many of the shows that we find on television now and the choices of celebrities?  Are we doing ourselves and our girls a disservice?  What do you think?

Short, Slinky Spandex

How many of you find yourself comparing your appearance to others? I don't do this often, but I did it yesterday. What I'm sharing with you is deeply personal, so please handle it with kid gloves.

As you all know, I gave birth to our third child last year. Many people tell me that I look "great" or "you don't look like you've had three kids." I politely thank them and go on my way. While compliments are nice, they don't mean squat if you don't buy them.

Last night I attended my brother-in-law's wedding. So of course I was surrounded by young women with no husband and no children. Since Tre was in the wedding, I had the two younger children. The eldest was the flower girl, but became my charge after the ceremony. I did have some help from my sister-in-law and another one to be, but I they're lightweights! My kids wore us all out. They were tired and cranky, and I was almost to tears before it was all over. Anyway...

The waifs were everywhere. For the first real time, I felt like covering my gray hairs. I felt older and more tired and bigger than so many! It was a strange feeling for me, and I'm not sure why it hit when it did.

Perhaps it was the overly tight, overly short dresses were in huge supply. While I have never dressed like that, it was because of my morals, not because I couldn't pull it off. Now it's a little bit of both. Clothes cover a multitude of sins. Baby pouches are unglamorous, and when you hate crunches and love cheesecake as much as I, you may always have one! The other thing is that even though my scale tells me I am the same as I was before babies, the weight is distributed differently, and gravity is against me! I guess I can't be a convincing Catwoman this Halloween.

I guess it's a good thing I have a God that looks at me from the inside out and loves me anyway. If I decide to get serious about exercising, maybe I'll be the one in the short, slinky spandex at the next reception. Or maybe not.

Protesting Protesters

My commute this morning was very colorful. As I coasted down I85, my eyes were assaulted by a red pick-up encased in anti-abortion signs. That should have tipped me off to what was yet to come, but it didn't. As I got off on my exit, my stomach turned flips as my appetite disappeared. Protesters were lining the bridge; graphic poster boards in tow.

I was furious. "Jesus"was plastered on the backs of their matching t-shirts. I believe that abortion destroys babies. However, these protesters scared me. Their pictures were nauseating and extreme. I just kept thinking that the pro-life message is not being helped with this type of propaganda.

I was so thankful that my children were not in the car with me. It would have traumatized them terribly. I think I might have nightmares tonight. Their signs and shirts showed that they were a Christian organization that was "saving the world".

Abortion is a highly political topic that I prefer not to broach. But one way or another, this subject has pushed its way into my psyche this week. A woman who finds herself facing with an unplanned, unwanted pregnancy is in a very vulnerable place. She may be scared and confused and hopeless.

One thing we can all agree on (hopefully), is the mother and the baby need to be cared for. Both of their lives are important to God. Both are in need of saving. If we as Christians are willing to condemn a woman who considers abortion, then we should definitely be willing to offer more than prayers to the young woman who chooses to bring her child into the world, whether to parent or place for adoption. We should exude love and not condemnation.

The Power to Persevere

Before our daughter was born, I had already decided to nurse her. They always say it's best, although I don't know if "they" have ever tried it. Warning, the following may not be for the faint of heart, but stick with me, I'm going somewhere.

The first day of nursing is filled with anticipation as the long awaited little bundle lays snuggled in your arms awaiting her first meal. I remember this day clearly with each of my children. As I wipe back tears of joy, I draw my child close to me and nourish her. But by the end of day one, those tears of joy have turned to tears of pain! Picture cracking, soreness and bleeding. Use your imagination.

Many days I wanted to reach for Enfamil. Other days I wanted to have my head examined. When the milk did not come, I wanted to give up. When I awakened in a pool of milk, I wanted to scream. When engorgement happened, the pain drove me toward a bottle. When, after all of this, my daughter refused to eat for no apparent reason, I was certain this sacrifice was too much for me to endure.

My husband encouraged me to persevere. He reminded me of the struggles I'd had with the other two and let me know it would all work out. I prayed. I cried. And prayed and cried some more. I'm pleased to say that it is working out. Everything is alright. I'm persevering, and it's paying off. Our daughter is healthy. She is growing exponentially. Praise God!

My point is this, I could have given up. Many times I wanted to do just that. It is often tempting to quit when it hurts. When love is painful, we want to throw in the towel. When a friend betrays us, we become reclusive. I'm learning to pray in the strangest of circumstances.

As I breathed through contractions, I prayed. As I subsequently pushed and felt every pain, I prayed, imploring God to help me to get through it. I knew that I couldn't do it in my own strength. I chose to nurse, and I chose to deliver naturally. For me, it was best. And when my alert baby looked at me for the first time with amazing clarity, I knew it was worth it!

When we struggle to endure, we should go to the God who never leaves us. We should realize that difficulty doesn't need to conquer us.

Many times it is necessary for us to go through the fire to get to the gold. If distractions are keeping you from quiet time with God, persevere. If you feel distant from Him, persevere. Don't let our enemy steal from you. Don't settle for second best. Push through the pain and persevere.

Mixed Emotions

As my third trimester progresses, there are many thoughts that cross my mind. How much more can my skin stretch? What do my toes look like? Will this baby be early or on time? What will this delivery be like?

There are days when I'm so tired of being pregnant. The days when I am in pain for the entire day or when I'm so short of breath that I can barely function. My most recent feeling was one of sadness. The midwife started giving me delivery info and signs of labor. I realized that my pregnancy is on the downswing now. I'm pretty sure I probably won't be pregnant again after this one. So when I start thinking that I only have a handful of weeks left, I'm happy and sad.

Thoughts of postpartum depression and recovery after the delivery make me remember times past. But thankfully the overwhelming excitement of finally meeting this precious bundle who has been tap dancing on my bladder and distorting my stomach takes precedence. I can't wait to hold her and kiss her and feed her. This is a new chapter. I'm looking forward to being restored. I thanks God for second chances.

Still Going...

Lately I've been feeling very pregnant. My body is changing rapidly, and my energy level is waning. Every day tasks require so much effort, and sciatica makes walking feel like torture at times! The 90+ temps and rain forest humidity levels make swelling inevitable. Breathing is challenging, and the so-called pregnancy glow just looks like overactive pores to me! But enough about the joys of pregnancy.

My precious daughter is coming along famously. She is very active, and has the same silly personality as he older sister and brother. I'm so excited to meet this precious child. In spite of the uncomfortableness of being pregnant in very hot weather, I still feel extremely blessed. I am dreaming about how my 3 children will interact with each other. How will this little girl look? What will she weigh at birth? What day will she be born? And after how many hours?! I enjoy sharing this with all of you. For those who have requested pictures, I'll have to think about that. No one tells a pregnant woman the truth about her appearance for fear of setting off a torrent of hormones! Although this fear does not seem to affect my oldest brother...

Baby Update

We've now entered our six month of pregnancy, and our little girl is rockin' and rollin'. She's a very active little munchkin. And according to pictures, very cute! But I'm slightly biased:) We are very grateful and excited.

While I'm very thrilled about the impending birth of our next child, I must say pregnancy changes as one gets older. Six years ago when our older daughter was born, it was a novel thing. When I was tired, I just took a nap. When I had a headache, I did the same. Now as a working mom of two, things are different. I don't have time to relax much. I can barely keep up with how far along I am! However, the anticipation of my older children makes it so much more fun.

Ironically, I'm watching MTVs 16 and Pregnant while I write this. This girl is pregnant and has since split from her "stalkerish" boyfriend. She is so not ready to be a parent. She does not want to breastfeed because she is worried about her boobs sagging more. She doesn't realize that pregnancy alone will do that to you. She's also arguing with her mom that having a baby won't be so hard since they don't do anything! Wow!

Knowing the stresses that have come along with being pregnant, I can't imagine doing it as a child. My mind has been taxed so much. My emotions are all over the place. I'm exhausted and oft times overwhelmed. Thank God for my husband and children. They support me and keep me going. I hope this show helps teens examine one major possible consequence of premarital sex. The time for sugar-coating is over.

Present Uterus

As you all know, we're expecting another baby. So we're thrilled and feeling so blessed. Well, lately I've been feeling more pregnant lately. My ears have been plugged, my sciatic nerve has been wreaking havoc on me! At times it's tempting to ignore the rhythmic wiggling in my womb and focus on the pain that sometimes encompasses me.

Today at work, I received a reality check. I noticed a pediatric patient with the diagnosis: ABSENT UTERUS. Whoa. How many times do you take your uterus for granted? How many of us complain about that time of the month? Another young patient had amenorrhea, the absence of a cycle. How often do we just assume that we will get pregnant exactly when we want to? We test time and believe the eggs will produce when called upon. If that doesn't work, just buy eggs or get a surrogate. But I digress.

My point is that a uterus is a blessing. So is the dreaded monthly cycle. Without them, we cannot become mothers. For me, motherhood is filled with highs and lows, joys and pains. So today, I'm so thankful for my uterus. Our uterus also provides another blessing! Use your imagination. Sorry male readers, but if you have little ones, you are thankful for a uterus, too!

Nude Baby Bump

Since this is my third child, I'm struggling with finding a creative way to commemorate this pregnancy. With the first, we had a photo session. The second, my mom and I created a belly cast. So why not do a nude photo shoot this time?! Wrong! Not ever going to happen.

But, it seems I'm in a minority with this thinking. Someone showed me a website for a metropolitan photographer who specializes in family and maternity photos. The picture contained partial frontal nudity for the woman and rear nudity for the man. Why?

I'm a firm believer in the beauty of pregnancy, but I'm still the same woman. If I won't take nude pics without a baby bump, why does the bump make it acceptable? The pictures I saw showed far more than the belly. When does nudity transcend from porn to art?

Quickening

If you've ever been pregnant, you know it can be overwhelming at times. In the beginning, you don't have much assurance that things are going ok. It's too early to feel movement, so you just have faith. Recently, when I was feeling a little unsure, I felt a little wiggle in my abdomen. Quickening. Baby's way of saying, "Don't worry mommy, I'm good." I needed it.

I think God does the same thing for me. At times, my spirit feels empty, and a scripture will pop into my head. My favorite song on the radio. A reminder that all is well. Assurance that He is in control. God's way of saying, "Don't worry, daughter, I'm good." Mommies need reassurance, too. "Taste and see that the Lord is good..." (Ps. 34:8)

A Baby Story

Most girls have probably seen this show on TLC at one time or another. With the day off today, I have spent some time watching it. I was hooked when I was pregnant with our daughter. I haven't watched much over the years. After experiencing the pain for myself, watching on TV has lost some of it's luster. So why now? Well, in about 6 months, I expect to be a mother again! I'm so excited. We all are. But I would be lying if I said I haven't already experienced intense anxiety.

After losing our baby last fall, I became consumed with conceiving again. I had to pray for control, because each month, I would cry when I wasn't pregnant. I've never experienced anything like this before. I knew that I simply wanted to squelch the loss I was feeling inside. My husband helped me calm down and let God have his way.

In February, the test was positive! I was so thrilled. Then I was gripped by terror. What if I lose this one too? What if something is wrong with my baby? What were we thinking? I knew these thoughts were not from God, but they were real. I had to speak to myself and pray a lot. So when I was at work just 10 days later and felt weird, my emotions went into a tale spin. My abdomen was tight, and I was spotting. My left side was going numb, and I was urinating uncontrollably. As the discharge changed from pink to brown to red, I began to prepare myself for another loss. I held back the tears until I got home. When I let loose, I tried to keep it from Tre. I finally told him what was happening and how I felt.

Our daughter had a Mother/Daughter Tea that we were supposed to attend that night. I had so looked forward to it, but when the time came, I was feeling miserable physically and emotionally. Although we went, I had to tell this sweet girl that I just wasn't feeling well. She said, "I hope you have fun, Mommy." I love her so.

When we returned, the discomfort still had not subsided. It was worse. I called the office again. I was told to drink water and try to rest. It was hard to rest. I was scheduled for an appointment the next morning. The drive to the hospital was somber. Tre stared straight ahead. I tried to think happy thoughts. I gave a urine specimen and we went in for an ultrasound. It was normal! Tears filled my eyes as we squeezed each other's hands. So what was wrong with me? A severe urinary tract infection and dehydration. The combination made my uterus and bladder contract together. It mimicked the feeling and symptoms of a miscarriage. I could do nothing but praise God for answering my prayer my way this time. While I had tried to prepare for the worst, I really wasn't ready.

So since then, I've had blood work and ultrasounds. I've seen and heard the heartbeat. It has been quite a ride so far. God is using this pregnancy to strengthen my faith. I'm struggling with worry. Will the baby survive to term and will he or she be alright? I've had labor concerns, and I've done this twice before! Since I've just started my second trimester, I'm feeling some relief. My baby bump is blooming, and I feel good. The irony is that my due date coincides with the loss of our 3rd child. God will turn that time of mourning into one of joy. It is a sign of my faith to share this with you. It forces me to let go of my fears and trust God no matter what.

UNFPA

The UNFPA, the United Nations Population Fund, is an organization that is committed to providing healthcare and promoting dignity for women around the world.














Many of you may be aware that HIV/AIDS is ravaging much of Africa, namely Zimbabwe, and other parts of the world. While many Americans also suffer with one of these diseases, the prevalence in the USA does not begin to compare with the occurrences in 3rd world countries.

They are also involved in projects that help to reduce mortality rates for women and children in childbirth, reducing violence against women and ensuring equal rights and education for the fairer sex all over the world.

Until a few days ago, I never heard of this organization. I feel like I've been under a rock. I also learned that President Obama is committed to supporting this organization.

The Bible teaches us to help those who are without help. We are to take care of widows, the homeless and the hungry. (I Tim. 5) In our quest for riches, it is very easy to forget the needs of others. The truth is that the most impoverished American is more fortunate than the majority of people in neighboring countries.

For those of us who are always feeling sorry for ourselves, visiting this website may help us to realize that we have it really good. We take for granted healthy pregnancies, birth control and being able to live through the birth process. Many of us do not realize how blessed we are to obtain an education. I feel truly humbled. Each of us have the privilege of being involved on a local or international level. Luke 12:48 tells us that much is required of us because much has been given to us.

How Weight Affects How I Feel About Me

I was reading about Jessica Alba, an actress who recently had a baby. She talked about the difficulty of her workouts. She was so adamant about regaining her pre-baby body that she worked herself into tears. All of this was so she could be "perfect" for a photo shoot. Apparently the workouts were more painful than the delivery, she recently told People magazine. She also shares her secrets for looking slimmer.

So this made me think... My friend and I gave birth one month apart back in 2003. When she returned to work, she looked great! She told me that she had a good girdle. I bought one immediately. One of my greatest fears about having a baby was gaining weight that I could never get rid of. We've all heard people say, "She really let herself go". Thankfully, someone else told me that nursing was a built-in way to lose the weight after baby. It was also true. I was pleasantly surprised.

So, now that I am over thirty, my metabolism has slowed down, but my love for eating hasn't! While my clothes still fit, sometimes I feel "heavy". So I have started to pay more attention to my meals. Not how much, but the content. Being a working mom sometimes causes me to compromise the quality of meals. I'm sure many of you know what I'm speaking of.

So while I refuse to work myself to tears, I do have a responsibility to care for the body I was given. Staying at my current size makes me feel good about what I see in the mirror. While I'm far from obsessed, I am paying more attention. I'm practicing better eating habits for health and wellness. I'm also learning not to be so hard on myself. I can't compare myself to millionaires who spend fortunes on lipo, trainers and botox. I also cannot airbrush myself before leaving each day. So I guess I have to get used to the changes childbirth brought and thank God for my little cherubs each time I see a stretch mark!

Imparting Mercy

Everyone needs mercy. I know I do. The concepts of grace and mercy instead of justice, allow me to rest peacefully at night. One woman has made it her personal mission to impart mercy to others. She is not content to receive without paying it forward. Her name is Nancy Alcorn, and she is the face of Mercy Ministries, USA. The organization teaches skills to deal with life and provides solace.

Mercy Ministries is committed to providing a safe place for teens and young women. It is a resource for depression, addictions, eating disorders and unexpected pregnancies to name a few. This organization is a part of changing the lives of women in six countries and several states in the US. By providing services free of charge, its residents are not limited by a lack of financial means or social status. To learn more about this inspiring ministry, just click the link above.

This "God" Thing is Getting Old

I'm mad. I have no control over my life, and neither do you have any over yours. Our Master puppeteer has all of the control. And while I agree, He has the sole right, being the Creator and all... I still get mad!

Since miscarrying a couple of months ago, I am eager to have another baby. Everyone says, "in God's time." What about my time? At times I am consumed with what I want. Yeah, I know, those who are better Christians than I never experience these irrational thoughts.

Have you ever thought of how extreme the concept of faith in an unseen being is? It's mind-blowing! I even feel guilty for resenting God's power. Perhaps I should. After all, I am very blessed. But for some reason, being blessed does not prevent me from these thoughts from time to time. I get scared sometimes, even though God did not give me that spirit.

The funny thing is that at the end of the day, I return to sanity. I find myself thankful for what I have. I try not to focus on the future. I try to live each day as though I won't have any more and bask in His love. But I do have some wild thoughts before getting there. And sometimes the journey takes longer than I'd like to admit.

Moving in a Positive Direction

On Thursday I had an appointment. It was what should have been my first real appointment of the pregnancy. I was to meet the midwife and learn about labor and delivery at the hospital. Instead, I was scheduled for another ultrasound to make sure that there was nothing left of my baby. Let's just say that Thursday was not a good day for me.

The good news is, everything is pretty much gone. The bad news is, everything is pretty much gone. It does not look like I will need a D&C. An answered prayer. But now, I'm not pregnant any more, and I want to be. I've been doing okay. The physical pain has ceased, although emotional damage has been done. I am doing my best... I should say, WE are doing our best to move forward one day at a time. Some days I laugh, some days, I cry. At times, it's a little of both. For now, that's the best I can do. But, I will not despair. I have much to be thankful for, and I try to focus on those things right now.

The Process

I am learning a lot as I go through the process of losing a child. The physical pain is a surprise to me. Each day, I lose a little bit more in a way that is very painful. This pain makes it a little harder to get through the range of emotions that I am experiencing.

My family and friends have been very supportive and encouraging. I know that in the end, it's up to me how I get through this. I have to choose to allow God to heal me. I am learning so much about life right now. I have already changed my perspective and my priorities. Before this, I was working so hard. Now it just doesn't seem to matter. Funny how life can change so fast.