Mixed Emotions

As my third trimester progresses, there are many thoughts that cross my mind. How much more can my skin stretch? What do my toes look like? Will this baby be early or on time? What will this delivery be like?

There are days when I'm so tired of being pregnant. The days when I am in pain for the entire day or when I'm so short of breath that I can barely function. My most recent feeling was one of sadness. The midwife started giving me delivery info and signs of labor. I realized that my pregnancy is on the downswing now. I'm pretty sure I probably won't be pregnant again after this one. So when I start thinking that I only have a handful of weeks left, I'm happy and sad.

Thoughts of postpartum depression and recovery after the delivery make me remember times past. But thankfully the overwhelming excitement of finally meeting this precious bundle who has been tap dancing on my bladder and distorting my stomach takes precedence. I can't wait to hold her and kiss her and feed her. This is a new chapter. I'm looking forward to being restored. I thanks God for second chances.

What's in a Song?

When choosing a church, what are your criteria? Which components make your short list? Many stick to denominational lines. Others may ignore the denomination as long as they agree with what the church believes.

I'm not as concerned with denomination. One aspect that does affect my thoughts is music. I'm addicted to music. It speaks to me like no other media. Music enters into my soul and alters my point of view. I have had some of my most worshipful experiences during or after a powerful praise song.

Here's my question: Does it matter what type of music is being played? Could you worship as well with a traditional hymn as you could with contemporary Christian? Does a praise and worship team get the job done for you, or do you have to have a gospel choir to get your praise juices flowing?

I'm one of those people who enjoy most music types. I can usually find
a few songs to love in any musical genre. With that being said, I do have
preferences for some over others. I'm big int instruments, so I prefer beautiful piano accompaniment over pipe organs. I prefer drums to a guitar. I love wind instruments and brass more than bells. When does preference begin to impede one's ability to worship in any environment?

If the heart of the music is the words, is it wrong if you feel hindered in worship because you find it impossible to like the song regardless of the potent lyrics? I struggle with this a lot and would love to hear your opinion.

Photo #1 by purbancik
Photo #2 by zen

Too Many People in Our Bed

As a working mom of two young children, I'm pretty busy most of the time. Since we are expecting our third child, I think I've moved into a new category of people. I'm officially weird. For those of you who know me, you may say this has nothing to do with the children, but bear with me.

Many who see me often seemed surprised that I'm expecting another child. I'm not sure why. There's the obvious: You already have a boy and a girl. And your point is? I actually had someone tell me that they did not know I was expecting another one. They followed with, "Was it planned?" Wow. How bold and how very personal. What goes on in my bedroom is now the public's business!

I don't see the big deal. I'm happily married for over 9 years. We have jobs and support our own children. Our current children are happy and healthy. Did I mention, I'm married? People have asked me if I'm happy about the baby? How do you respond to such ludicrous questions?

I'm appalled that someone would ask me if my child was planned or if I'm happy about it. I should have answered in an equally insane way. "Actually this child is not mine, I've agreed to be a surrogate for a coworker. Don't worry, they're paying me well." The sad fact is that many would accept this answer better than that we simply wanted another child in spite of the fact that we have 1 boy and 1 girl already. Our society is so strange...

Our children are blessings, and I think I'd have 20 if we could afford it and if they didn't all come from me!

A Kid Noone Wants

Apparently the internet brings adoptive children straight into your living room. I appreciate the aspect of convenience, but I find it slightly disturbing to be shopping for children as though they were a pair of shoes or a used DVD. Perhaps I am thinking the wrong way.

Unfortunately, there are many unwanted children born each day. While adoption is often "sold" as a great alternative to parenting, many of these children do not leave the child welfare system until they have aged out.

If I had lovingly placed my child for adoption and later found my child's face plastered on the internet with an advertisement under the picture, I would be devastated. The children are listed like job postings with dates to track updates. How would you feel to see your child's picture posted for months or even years?!

Please don't misunderstand me, I realize the intentions are very good. Anything that helps the child to be adopted... I just wonder if this affects the dignity of the children involved. Please let me know what you think.

Pouring Rain

Besides for the death of my grandmother, the month on August began far more eventful than I would have hoped for. On the Sunday before the funeral, my cousin was rushed to the ER via ambulance after what appeared to be a seizure. Three aunts and an uncle were nearly killed in an accident when the driver fell asleep at the wheel. I also learned that a good friend of our was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer. She's in her early 40's. This all happened in one day.

A couple of days earlier, I was told that the father of a long time friend was in ICU because of a serious stroke. As I was preparing to return home, the phone at my parents' home rang, and along with it came news of the death of a cousin of ours. She had just returned home from our family reunion. No one knew she was sick.

For me, this was a trying time. While it has been a time of transition and good things for our little family unit, my extended family has undergone some challenges and tragedies. When it rains, it pours. Matthew 5:45 tells us that it rains on the just and the unjust, so I cannot decide that these circumstances are sent as punishment. While that may sometimes be the case, each difficult circumstance is an opportunity for growth. At times it is a sign, and changes are needed. Continue to pray for my family and friends. The month had a rough start, but God is still on His throne, and He has not left us.

Loss

My life has been a whirlwind of activity lately. For those of you who know me personally, you may know that I lost my last living grandparent last week. My grandmother was a constant presence in my life, and I already miss her dearly. Although she had been ill for some time, her death was still a shock. She seemed to be improving. The grieving began quickly as the tears began to flow.

My mother was devastated. Both of her parents are gone now. Her pain was palpable, and comforting her was a challenge. But thank God for the ultimate Comforter we find in the Holy Spirit.

So, I thank each of you for all of your kind words and thoughts and prayers. I have felt the warmth of your love envelop me. I have not felt alone. Thank you for your kindness.

I also have so much to say my experiences with my extended family over the last 2 weeks. Whew! Stay tuned...

Just For Fun

On Friday night, hubby and I went out with friends to dinner and a show. We sent the children to a babysitter and everything. I have to admit that I was giddy with excitement during the days leading up to it. My anticipation must have been contagious because my daughter's summer camp teacher told me to have fun when I went to pick her up. Apparently she had been talking about it all day.
Although I was tired from working and rushing around, we had a wonderful time at dinner and the show. On top of it, our children also had a wonderful time. So I learned something that evening: FUN IS NOT OPTIONAL. Couple time is necessary for every healthy relationship. I know this is not a revolutionary discovery, but for me it is.
With a full-time job, a husband, two young children and one on the way, I often find myself stretched in too many directions. I'm committed now to spending less time crunching numbers, and more time having fun. Kids need no reminders. Now neither do I.